I really don't know where to being or how much detail to go into but I've had enough of my dating anxieties to finally post on this subreddit for help.
For some context on the stalking issue: this began when I was a sophomore in high school. The police and my family believe it was this one guy at my school (and possibly his mother who was one of my teachers there as well. It's complicated and messed up). Lets call him X. All I ever was was nice to X as I'd like to think I'm a kind and genuine person to most people. All I ever did was briefly say hi in the hallway or carry very short conversations (but nothing outside of the realm of common decency). After knowing X for about half a year he asked me out and I politely turned him down and at the time he seemed fine about it. But a month or so later someone started putting letters on the windshield of my car talking about their infatuation with me but their disgust for me at the same time. It got worse when I stopped driving to school and letters started coming to my home. The longer it went on the worse the contents of the letters got. The only way to describe them would be depraved to the point we had to have extra security at my prom. My family was also friends with our mailman so he would always let my parents know if something weird in the mail was delivered to us but soon they would appear in the mailbox unstamped and even on Sundays. We set up a security camera but the letters just became consistently delivered through the mail service after that. During this time, X cornered me again after school to ask me out and I of course said no. He seemed agitated but I made an excuse to quickly leave.
When I went with my parents to tell the police and show them the evidence we had they said there wasn't much they could do. They also told me, directly to my face, that "this just happens a lot to pretty girls." I cried right then and there and that comment really made my anxiety worse because if the police can't do anything about it who can? In the end, they did interview X and his mom but nothing came out of it. There are more reasons why Im convinced it was X but Im too nervous to post any more details.
Even after I went off to college the letters still came to my parents house and I felt incredibly guilty and depressed because of all the anxiety it gave them. I did get some counseling to help with it especially when I started seeing X on campus. I later learned that X did transfer to my school. The letters only stopped when my parents moved out of the country over a year ago. I'm about to move as well but neither of our reasons are connected to the stalking incident.
All in all, this lasted for about 6 years. During this time I was in a serious relationship for over a year but my parents told me not to tell my bf about X. Their reasoning was that they didn't want him to worry about it and for it to cause any problems in our relationship but I know that it did cause me to be more closed off at times and not so open with him and that's one of the many reasons that lead to us breaking up. At one point when we went to a HS football game together I panicked when I saw X in the crowd and told my boyfriend briefly about the reason I was anxious and didn't want X to see me. To his credit he did try to comfort me but when he said "he doesn't seem like a bad guy" and made light of it I shut down from ever bringing it up to him again. I don't blame him too much though because what high schooler is equipped to deal with any stalking situation?
Because X even tried to contact me on social media I've even limited my online presence. My best friend (S) helped me to be brave though and about 2 years ago helped me set up an account on a dating app. S knows all the details about X and thought this might be a good way to take baby steps back into the game. However I kept getting scared and flaking on guys until S convinced me to try going on a date and that she would even go to the same restaurant just to sit nearby and make sure I was doing ok. The guy and I hit it off but days later when he started drunk sending pictures of my apartment at night I cut things off and deleted the app. Months later I did go on two dates with another guy that went ok but again got really anxious and cut that off too.
I've left out so many details because I'm still scared to put out too many identifying factors online but at the same time I want to put this part of my life behind me. I do have a select group of close guy friends and I really trust them so much. I know that good guys are out there but it's hard for me to cross that threshold of trusting someone as a friend to trusting them as a bf and be vulnerable enough to be romantically involved even though I never did date X. I want to be able to date again but just don't know how to safely let my guard down.
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice http://bit.ly/2wa2tOT
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment