So I (M31) have been dating for quite some while. And with that I mean that I usually can read another person and quite well gauge their interest. However this person that I'm now seeing (F29) has left me totally clueless. And I need some advice to decipher what the hell is going on.
We met about two months ago on OLD. During the first 4 dates she took all the initiative and was what I would call, very "hot". by that I mean she suggested time and place and also booked the activities we were doing. After about the forth date, I saw some potential in her, I was thinking this could actually lead to something. Then I started taking initiative and planning dates. After that we have been on maybe 15 dates in total and I have initiated many of them. I brought it up after some time and she got better to suggest dates, but it's still me who does the heavy lifting.
I don't have any problem with this, but I'm having a very hard time gauging her interest and I hate having the itching feeling that this somehow is a one-sided show, especially if it's not going to lead anywhere. I hate wasting my time.
To summarize some of her behavior:
In the beginning she was asking questions like "how are you doing" and remembered events or things that happened in my life, now she doesn't ask/comment these things very often.
She can initiate texts sometimes, but does not put in a great deal of personal questions or plans. Usually it's just something generic what she's been doing etc. Picture of something she does.
She rarely initiates dates/meeting anymore, it's mostly on me. Although when I'm suggesting something she is immediately available. Even though it would be very easy to avoid the date if she wanted to. She also tells me in text its fun to meet me.
She doesn't ask that many personal questions anymore during the dates. It's mostly about generic things, what is happening around us, etc. I feel that I have to ask her, and initiate all personal questions/conversations.
She is quite introverted but did keep a steady relationship for many years.
The shift in behavior after the 4th date happened after I asked if she was looking for a casual thing or something serious. She said serious and that she liked me. I said the same. I also opened up about personal problems etc. She did too to some extent. We have had sex after nearly every date after this.
I have asked her straight out if she is still interested. She said she is, but wants to take it slow and see where it goes. We agreed to not meet anyone else either and she said she disabled her profile on OLD. But I can still see the app installed on her phone when she shows me something. Why not delete the app? I have also disabled my profile and deleted the app. Another thing is that she has this "friend" that she is seeing. She goes and works out with him. She said he has a GF but I have no idea if he does or not. She also didn't tell me who she was working out with, just a friend. I asked her and then she said his name. I also saw him in frequent contacts on whatsapp when she showed me something. This bothers me.
I feel like I'm the second option although she affirms me in words I'm not (not seeing anyone else etc). I have not met her friends, although she says they know about me. I asked her about it, and she asked me if I wanted, I said if she wanted, sure. After that not a peep.
Honestly all this have brought to life anxiety I didn't think I could have. I have read about anxious attachment, and that fits in very well with this relationship. I have become needy for her validation and think about her way too much, what she is doing etc. It has also brought to life old demons, that I'm not attractive enough etc. I have considered to break things off, because it's fucking with my mental health, but she is much of what I have been looking for in a girl, and even if I haven't told her, she probably have noticed I have fallen hard for her.
Sorry for long post. I just wanted to vent a bit.
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