What's an acceptable way for me (30/M) to "reassure" a shyer girl I'm dating (25/F) that I'm into her even if I haven't made a move yet? Specifically because I take things slow; looking for a real connection vs. casual fling. - ATX News Paper

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Saturday, May 7, 2022

What's an acceptable way for me (30/M) to "reassure" a shyer girl I'm dating (25/F) that I'm into her even if I haven't made a move yet? Specifically because I take things slow; looking for a real connection vs. casual fling.

Context: NYC. I take dating slowly. Met on Hinge, two very long dates and we want a third. Paragraphs of texts daily for 2 weeks now. Same humor, energy, interests, values, etc. The challenge is that I'm not sure if she's into me romantically and I'd like to clear the air in case she's also wondering the same with me—because I haven't gone for the kiss, but we've at least lingered in each other's intimate bubbles without pulling away. It simply hasn't felt "romantic" enough yet during our dates, which I'm fine with. But I'm not sure if she's fine with it.

Question: Is it weird to tell a girl straightforwardly over text that I really am into her (like as "assurance"), and that I just simply like to take things slow because I'm looking for real connections and not a casual fling? If it's weird, what's a better way? I admit that a part of this is selfish, because I also want to find out if she wants this to be platonic, and we live an hour away from each other so it'd save some time. I thought about doing this in person, but my gut tells me she would prefer text because she leans more introspective.

Reason I'm in Doubt: She's not really the flirty type (so far), and I'm not sure if it's because I haven't made any big moves yet. I've just never been that guy. But knowing her personality, I'd rather tell her that I'm looking for a real connection—and don't like to rush things but that I do want her—versus "going for it" physically and making her uncomfortable. I understand I'm an over-thinker (I have anxiety, I literally can't help it). I'm starting to care about her more and don't want to fumble this. Dating is so fast-paced here and I've had traumatic experiences of someone losing interest in the past lol.

Any helpful tips would help. Thanks!

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