TLDR; I'm a late 20s M who has been serially monogamous in the past (7 yrs) but now I want to try dating more casually (sex, getting to know each other) and taking it slow emotionally/commitment wise but with the option to take things further. I am concerned about how to do this/communicate things ethically (i.e., mention in my profile? First date? Before or after sex?) so as not to lie or hurt anyone's feelings.
To start off, let me give some background. I'm a hetero late 20s M, and for the past 7.5 years I have spent around 7 in long term relationships (3 years for the first, around 4 for the 2nd), and I am again recently single for the first time in a long time. My first relationship ended due to a lot of communication issues, mental health difficulties on my partners end, and too many incompatibilities, while most of these were not issues in my 2nd relationship, though it ended due to different sex drives/sexual incompatibility.
Given that I have spent so little time being single as an adult, I am taking a break from dating for now, though I want to get back into the game eventually. The problem I have though is this: I have only been on two Tinder dates in my life, and each of them led to long relationships that were meaningful and loving for the most part, but I feel I should have spent more time seeing if we were compatible, and not committing/falling in love so fast (we were usually official by like the 4th or 5th date). My other concern due to my last relationship and the apparent NRE alone driving the sex is definitely that sexual compatibility is super important to me, and I would rather know that sooner than later.
So, if I wanted to get into dating again, I would want to be casual about it (especially at first) in that I want to get to know people, have sex with them, and POTENTIALLY be in a relationship, but I want to take it slow in terms of the emotional/commitment aspect. I would also be fine if I am attracted to them and they just want to hook up. How do I communicate something like this? Most people seem to view hookups/casual dating and dating with the sole purpose of a relationship as these polar opposites, but I feel what I want isn't that simple if that makes sense? For example, if I was dating and hooking up with someone for a while and we were very compatible I would love to be in a long term relationship.
The other aspect of this is of course the ethics. From what I have seen, it seems a lot of women in these subs tend to feel very betrayed/put off when men are ONLY looking for hookups/easy sex, especially when they are 100% looking for something long term. What is the easiest way to communicate these things? Should I put on my profile that I'm just looking to date casually, even if people might think that's sleazy or misinterpret that I only want hook ups? Do I mention it on the first date? Before or after the first time we have sex? I'm just not sure what the best balance of not being too weird/upfront about things, and not lying/hiding intentions. For example, most people don't list all of their dealbreakers, what they find attractive, etc. on their profile or on a first date.
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