So, for background - I'm a 29M who is divorced. Ex-wife had an emotional affair and left me for the other man. I took almost 2 years off to be by myself, go to therapy, and work on my trauma, etc before reentering the dating pool (for the first time in my adult life).
Since starting dating, I've been on a good amount of dates, second dates, had hookups, etc. Good experience, and I was actually enjoying dating. That was until I matched with this specific woman, we chatted, went on a date, she went on a family vacation and we chatted the whole time, she got home and had covid and we chatted, I brought her extra tests, etc. Once she was done with covid, we went on a second date, then a third the next night, I met her friends, then we started hanging out frequently. She's super interesting, kind, and fun.
She invited me to spend the night at her place (importantly, this is the first time I've actually slept next to someone since my divorce, probably played a big role in things for me), it was great, we hung out more, and she even brought her dog over to my place to meet my cat. From my perspective, things were going amazingly, and I probably let my emotional "walls", so to speak, down to quickly.
Next, she spent the night at my place last weekend, and it was a lot of fun again. However, the following day, she texted me saying she didn't see it working out in the long run. I had a sense that something was up based on her mannerisms right before, but I still felt shocked. I tried to politely ask why, and she basically told me that 1) she felt that she and I both "wanted the spotlight" too much to be compatible, and 2) that my libido was a lot higher than hers.
The libido part shocked me, I'm don't have a very high libido, but I was probably more sexually interested in her just because of how much I was into her as a person. However, it was the "spotlight" comment that hurt me the most. I realize now that I probably hogged conversation at points and maybe was subconsciously "showing off" things about me, but I guess I just wanted to be as interesting to her as she was to me :(
I'm just so torn up, this was the first person since my divorce that I legitimately saw as something more than casual, and I thought there were strong signs that she thought the same. I feel like I blew it. The frequency of sex didn't really matter to me much at all, we could have not slept together at all and I still would've been just as interested in her. And I wish I could go back and do a better job of shutting up, I just got so excited about her :(
I'm trying to fight the urge to text her and tell her that I wish she would give it a little more time to see if those things can be worked out, but I feel like I'd just make a fool of myself.
Even worse, now I just feel so lonely, this hurts so much more than I expected. It seems silly to be this hurt by something that wasn't even that long ending. Obviously I'm still more damaged from my divorce than I realized.
Any advice on anything?
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