Long story short, I dated a guy and he was a really bad drunk. He was my first real boyfriend and was abusive, jealous, periodically ignored me, cheated, flirted with/assaulted other girls during the relationship, and has raped me. We were best friends before we dated and he was a really good guy. Neither my friends nor I ever saw any warning signs that he had this other drunk side to him. To be fair, he turned 21 right at the beginning of the relationship and I had never really seen him drunk before then. We dated for a little over a year, and I ended the relationship. Post-breakup we decided to stay friends and he would steal my apartment keys at parties, go through my phone while sleeping, and eventually one time (while he was sober) I woke up to him raping me. I ended pretty much all contact after that, and he went crying to his friends telling everyone I cheated on him, trying to turn them against me.
In the few months between the ending of the relationship and the day he raped me, I fooled around a bit with guys (no sex of any type). It was easy and normal, typical life of a partying 20-something, recently single girl.
However, after that last time he raped me everything changed. It’s been over 2 years and I haven’t kissed, had sex, or even gone out with a guy since. I get really close to going on a date, but then I always make up an excuse and cancel last minute. The thing is, I feel READY to date. I want a boyfriend, I want a relationship, I don’t feel scared at all. I’m over everything and completely ready to move on.
So why can’t I get myself to go on a damn date??
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