Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty low.
For the longest I can remember I have always wanted to be someone’s special person. I’ve always wanted a boyfriend/a relationship. I’m use to having to constantly chase after guys or put in the work or the effort into someone else while never once having it returned.
Initially I believed that it was appearance related. I decided that I would start working out and get into shape. I lost 30 pounds, starting dressing better, got a new hair style, did a full make over. I got tons of compliments, lots of attention, but nothing serious ever came from it. Now it’s mainly just me working out because I actually enjoy it and dressing much better because I found a love of style. I then figured that maybe it was my self esteem and self confidence that I needed to work on.
I took months of not focusing on dating/relationships and just working on myself. I did things that made me smile. I started writing letters and pen-paling to people around the country. I focused more on my goals, got accepted to my dream school, I’m about to be a junior in college and I’m heading towards the health field. I feel like I’ve done so much self improvement not only on the outside, but on the inside as well.
I thought things would start changing after doing all the work and putting in all the effort that everyone says you need to do in order to be happy and truly ready for a relationship and... nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. I haven’t met any guys that I like on campus you aren’t looking for something casual. I joined Bumble and I met a great guy on there but after one month he broke up with me and made up the excuse that now just wasn’t the right time for him to be in a relationship. I broke all contact with him and deleted him off all social media. I’m a loss for what to do. I’ve never had a serious relationship and even when I mention taking things slow still nothing seems to work out. It’s like every guy I meet or every guy I like always likes someone else over me. They *always pick someone else or something else over me.
I’m not looking for anything casual. I don’t like hook up culture, I tried it - wasn’t my thing. I don’t want to just “be young and have fun”. I’m always being told by the people around me that I need to be patient, or that I need to work out more, or I need to work on my goals, or achieve ABC and do more of XYZ and then love and the relationship I want will then come along. But then I look around me and I see others who have put little to no effort into self improvement, working on themselves, being patient, doing all the things I’m told to do and they have the one thing that I want most. The kicker is that they didn’t even have to work for it.
So what am I doing wrong? What’s the difference between me, constantly putting in the work and the effort and getting no results compared to the people that do absolutely nothing? What makes them more deserving than me? -Also apologize for the rant but just painting a picture of my situation.
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