So I (26M) had a lot of problems that led me to be a super late bloomer. I had a gf for 9 months to college and that was it. Hooked up with 2 girls after that then remained celibate thru my own choice or not, for 6 years. My 9 month relationship left me with some trauma.
After 6 years I had worked a lot on my physical appearance, social skills, and generally having a fulfilling life career/fun wise.
I decide to finally get back on the trio of dating apps and near immediately match a younger girl (20, almost 21) on bumble but she shows extreme initiative to hang out which hasn’t ever happened before so I took her on a date.
We went on our first date and I had a great time, but she became obsessed with me near instantly. When I walked her to her car she had already texted me “I wish I kissed you📷” before she even got over the 2nd speed bump in the parking lot. I had been alone for 6 years prior to this so I was like woah she actually likes me. I liked the attention I’d been deprived of for so long.
We continue to go on dates for a month until we officially declare each other boyfriend and girlfriend. She has border line personality disorder, so she was falling in love fast and hard with me, and constantly thought I hated her, although she was my everything. I have major depressive disorder so women, and everyone else in my life, constantly have a hard time reading me. Most people read me as pissed off or I hate them but I just have diagnosed major depression.
She has a lot of red flags. Big ones. Tik tok/IG/twitter narcissist, self proclaimed good liar, had guys hitting on her in her DMs and she’d respond “I have a boyfriend no flirting 📷” (entertaining them, saving for later) she’d hide me from her friends, as in wouldn’t tag me in anything. She claimed she didn’t want any hoes trying to steal me, we were in a small town.
We get the point where every weekend we go on a vacation to the beach and spend the weekend together. One day she rolled over in bad and very sadly asked “do you still like me?” After we had great sex and cuddled for hours. She had asked this question dozens of times and I was tired of it. She had also Posted a tik tok I wasn’t supposed to see that was basically a thirst comp of me saying “how do I tell this man I’m actively falling in love with him” then in the comments people encouraged her to do it and she said she’d do it that weekend. plus I was falling for her too, so I just said I loved her before she had to have the talk with me. I didn’t 100% mean it but I knew I had the capacity to love her so I said it.
Our honeymoon phase goes magically. It was a true summer love. She would write songs about me and paint portraits of me, we’d have fun on the beach, go thrifting, just an amazing summer.
One day her attitude flips. She gets jealous that I take 1-2 day trips alone to go surfing which she couldn’t go on due to work. She starts to hint about how there are “different kinds of cheating” and I asked “are you accusing me of cheating?” She didn’t look me in the eye and nodded her head no. To be clear I was not cheating even emotionally, this was the only other girl I spoke to other than my aunt, sister, and mom.
At this point she had become clearly distant. We had plans to live on the beach together for 2 months, hadn’t heard anything about it for weeks from her despite my constant trying to bring it up. She started to go hang out with friends who I’d never met or seen, used the same friend as an excuse every time. Didn’t share location or send any updates via snap or text until after midnight. In any pics posted from those times she’d have her “E” necklace taken off which she got to wear for me.
I didn’t think much of it because I was still under the impression she was drop dead obsessed with me. When I was away she’d FaceTime me all the time, tell me she loves me, and sing for me. Things were off, but she’d still stay in touch with me frequently when we were apart.
One day she comes over to my house and is acting strange. I have some empathic ability when it comes to break up. I know when I’m about to be dumped. She put on a movie called “im thinking of ending things” slept through the whole movie, then afterwards went to the bathroom for 20 minutes without her phone. I didn’t hear any noise in there so I only assume she was hyping herself to break up with me. But she didn’t.
As the week goes on the highest red flag of all happens, where I should have gone 0 contact and left forever. She deleted the posts of us on her Instagram page. I called her and asked and she said “oh I was just archiving some things I must have accidentally archived it I’ll put it back” (she never did or bring it up again) me being an inexperienced idiot I say whatever, maybe she did archive it, I can fix this. But we all know what it means, she was seeing someone else and didn’t want them to know she had a man.
We had one more trip to the beach before I was sure things were over or I could recover what we had. We go to the beach. She sits in the BACK seat of my car like I’m a fcking Uber otw there. 0 conversation on the 2.5 hour drive there. We arrive and it’s like I’m there alone, she’s a ghost just existing with her dog. Not touching me, talking to me, looking at me. Any convo I try to start is shot down immediately. If I stop to kiss or embrace her she ends it quickly. We watch movies and normally have sex When we go to the beach and the sun goes down, sex is a big thing there it’s mostly our only chance to have sex is at my beach trailer. This time she refused sex very aggressively although I simply asked if her dog was distracted enough for us to get to bed. I asked if she was okay and she angrily said “don’t worry about it” and we finished the movie in silence then went to bed without cuddling.
Next morning I go to work and leave her at the trailer to enjoy the beach with her dog. 0 updates from her the entire day, no snaps or anything. I do however see her in my ring cam sending sexy selfies to someone. She posted a thirst trap while I was at work on IG too. But was also sending lewds to someone as it appeared on the ring cam, i her bf, received none. She saw the ring cam on and moved spots to where I couldn’t see her.
When I got home the energy was on 0. She had been wearing a thong bikini all day but put a jacket and hat on as I got home to be less revealing for me, despite how hot it was. We walked her dog and this is where things started to get even more sour. Everything I said got shot down by her, She talked to me in a harsher tone then anyone else I know. She insulted me and called me a degenerate. Someone stopped to ask about her dog and I just kept walking home about 100 yards. She got there and said “what is your deal” 100% gas lighting, what is MY deal????
We awkwardly decide plans for the night, just movies again since she won’t Have sex with me again and we were staying in a small town with nothing open late. After the small dog argument, perfect timing her mom is having emergency surgery 2.5 hours away and we have to go NOW, not to the hospital but her house? It was a lie, I knew it was, I just had no back bone to call her out on her sick mom lying in cahoots with her. They did a fake call right down the hall to convince me it was real.
Also that she was sending sexy pics to SOMEONE while I was gone. As well as her Lock Screen being changed from us and all our tik toks/posts being deleted by her, I didn’t check if she changed Passcode but certain she did. I just didn’t confront her about anything cuz I was a lil spineless inexperienced jellyfish.
She packs up ALL of her stuff. She normally leaves everything because we went every weekend. I asked her why she was taking EVERYTGING and she just continued to gas light me “oh I was going to put new string on my guitar at home” stuff like that. At this point I don’t know 99.9% it’s over, I know it’s 100% over and I just shut down and let her load her stuff into my car as I sit on the couch because she needed space.
We take the 2.5 drive to her house and it is silent the whole time. Low music level volume. Just near silence. I was waiting for a word from her. I’d tried to hard to pry an answer out of her several times that weekend as to what’s wrong and if it’s me, but she shut down every time and said “I’m fine” in a harsh tone.
15 minutes before we arrive at her house I stop the car. She is laying down in the passenger seat back faces to me. I say her name and rub her to wake her up and say “you know……I know what’s up.” She said (in a very sad near crying tone) “what?” I said “I know you want to end things. Am I wrong” she said “No.” I said “……..so that’s if? She said again very sadly “yes…..I’m so sorry” I said I hope you can stay in my life in some capacity and she got back to a harsh tone and said “why do you always have to make everything about you?” Which was a curve ball, i did not see coming. I didn’t everything I could for her.
We went 0 contact after this. It appeared within a week or 2 she had a new boyfriend so I blocked her on everything for my own sanity. We have not said a word since, she has not reached out to me once.
Until today, her IG pfp is no longer her and her BF and she texted me saying “hey (pet name) how’s everything?”
I don’t Even know what to say. I’ve honestly fantasize about this moment because we got 0 closure. Apart of me wants to call her a cheater and see if she apologizes and admits to what she did, the other part wants to just catch up and see if she’s changed.
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