I (34M) was dating a cool girl (27) for the past 3 months. I took things slow, seeing her once a week, then she went out of town for the past 3 weeks to visit family.
Our connection was very strong despite us spending one day with each other a week (this would often turn into two days since we would get together on Sat and spend Sun together as well). We went on hikes, cooked together, went out to eat, went to the beach. So at the minimum it was a FWB situation.
As time progressed, I started to develop feelings for her and felt that she did for me as well (she would look me in the eyes and tell me she really likes me and I just got that vibe - of course I was wrong haha).
So while she was away, we were FaceTiming and talking on the phone regularly (nearly every day). She was the one primarily reaching out to me. She told me she told her Mom about me and we also planned a 4 day trip for Labor Day weekend.
She asked to see me the day she got back (last Friday 8/26) and I agreed, but then she was acting weird about it, saying she couldn’t spend the night, so I asked her if she could do Saturday instead so we could have more time. She said no because she had plans. When I asked her what they were she vaguely said she was hanging out with a friend on a boat. She was being evasive about it, so my gut told me something was up.
Anyway, because I was started to catch feelings, this spurred me to see if we are on the same page, so I asked her what she’s looking for when I saw her this past Friday.
She said “well a part of me wants a relationship and a part of me wants to be single”. At this point I knew it was done, so I told her “oh we probably aren’t on the same page then. I’m not sleeping with other people at this point and would want to be sexually exclusive moving forward.”
She was shocked when I said that (her facial expression was priceless). She said that it was too soon for her to make that decision, that she’d need more time to get to know me, that it feels rushed. I said that’s ok, but it felt that we were acting as if we were heading towards that direction already.
Anyway, turns out she was hooking up with 2 guys on the side (she said she wasn’t dating anyone else though).
So at this point I wanted to end it but she didn’t understand why it had to just end like that, that she could see herself getting there.
I said well I’m at the point where I’d like to be sexually exclusive and I have feelings for you, so I want to give it a shot and see where it goes.
Well, we ended up hooking up that night lol and I told her I’d think about the trip.
Saturday morning I called her and told her I’m going to cancel the trip and that we need space from each other right now. She started crying and seemed upset but it’s not like she was fighting to see how she could make this work. I felt like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too and like I was played to be honest.
Of course I was never upset at her because we never had the exclusive talk and she told me she thought I wanted something casual (based on my behavior I guess?). Ironically, the less emotion I showed about this the more she did.
I think I handled it fairly well, seems like she’d lead me on a lot longer and end up hurting me much more. I’d love to get some opinions though?
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