First of all, sorry for my english, I'm not native.
Everything is in the title. I'm starting to be really really desperate and I believe i will never find love and die alone. It's so sad because I see all my friends getting on and off relationships pretty easily but I can't seem to be able to get into a relationship.
For context, I'm a soon-to-be lawyer in a big european city.
I never get passed the talking stage. I had several flirts/situationships over the years, been on multiple dates, slept with more or less 10 women, kissed women. But it never led to a relationship. For some reason, women don't see me as a boyfriend.
I tried everything:
- online dating: it's a joke. I barely have likes or matches. Most of the dates I've been to, the girls ghost me after. I see my friends getting lots of dates thanks to online dating, getting into relationships or just sex and i'm just there, not being able to even get dates with below average looking women.
- university: it's supposed to be the place where most people meet their partner. Never happened to me. I got into 2 pretty serious situationships / talking stages for several months but the girls just didn't see me as a potential boyfriend at the end.
- Parties: I kissed some girls and slept with one or two but i never had something serious from meeting girls at parties. Most of the times they don't even look at me or just don't want to pusue anything.
- Erasmus: that's the worst part. During 5 months of Erasmus, I only managed to kiss 1 girl. While most of my friends were sleeping with girls every night. It's supposed to be the place where everyone is ok to make up, have sex etc. Even there, i was unsuccessful.
- Mutuals: Same. Never got into something serious with a friend of a friend. It seems like i'm repulsive for them or they see me as a friend pretty immediately.
- Work: had a situationship with my manager in one of my students jobs. But I had no feelings for her whatsoever. but other than that, nothing.
- Clubs, gym, hobbies: pretty much the same.
It's not like some girls were into me and wanted to go further but I was feeling nothing for them and don't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of it.
Over the years, I developped some hardcore hate for my looks. I believe my physical appearance is the reason I don't seem to be able to get a girlfriend. 2 or 3 people already said to my face I was ugly. I know that I have asymetrical features, fucked up ratios, some balding, small hands etc.
I never have eye contacts with girls on the street, i'm always the friend girls talk to in order to know if my male friends are single. I keep getting friendzoned. I never had mutual feelings with a woman.
I know how to talk, i'm pretty confident in my abilities to conversate with people and in my humor. I'm used to initiate physical contacts during dates. So it's not that. I believe the reason 95% of girls ghost me after the first date is because I'm uglier than on my photos on the apps.
So that is it. I just wanted to vent and ask for advices. I am becoming severely depressed each day passing. I truly fear of dying alone and seeing my friends and brothers getting girlfriends and not me. My brothers are both better looking than me and have success with women. I'm ashamed but i sometime blame my parents for my fucked up genes and for growing up without proper habits.
The idea of being invisible to women, knowing that girls are repulsed by you, seing good looking people being happy in relationships, not being able to experience the normal experiences of life: teenage love, party kisses, meeting a girl through friends, marrying, having children etc is really really hard for me. I don't know what to do, I feel worthless and angry with the world.
I attached some pictures of me so you can get an idea of what i'm dealing with:
Thank you.
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