I (23F) started talking to this guy (21M) about 2 weeks ago. We first met up in a group, and I ended up liking him even more. I didn’t talk to him a lot in person, but when I did speak to him I had fun. I know he likes me because my sister is dating his best friend, and she tells me certain things her bf hears.
We met up again and talked, then we kind of went on a date last weekend. It was nice, but some things just bothered me. I may be being too picky, but I am unsure if I should still hang out with him knowing he’s probably just hanging out with me because he likes me romantically. My sister’s bf says he likes me a lot, but I’m worried he just wants any girl and that he doesn’t actually like me, if that makes sense?
He had a long term relationship of 3 years end like 5 months ago, and as someone who also had that length relationship end over a year ago, I just don’t understand how he can move on that fast. They were married for a very short amount of time before he found out she was cheating. I was told he is very depressed, so I’m worried he’s just trying to enter a relationship to make himself feel more complete or something.
As for the things that I like about him…He always answers really fast. He asks me to hang out. He does ask questions about me. He seems to have good morals. He seems really intelligent. He’s also very handsome.
Now what I don’t like. Even though he asks questions, it feels like he doesn’t really care about my answers? Sometimes I’ll answer and I kind of want to talk about something more and he’ll just move on and ignore it. For instance, the other day I said I was having a bad time at work, and he just said, “oh, that sucks.” Later, he said the same thing about his day, and I actually asked why it was a bad day, empathized with him, etc. It seems like he does this a lot. I was in the ER last week and told him because I was worried I would miss our hangout the next day, and of course he asked what happened but he didn’t follow up at all or anything? He just said ‘I hope you feel better’. When I care about someone I check on them and show genuine curiosity, and to me it just doesn’t feel like he did that. Maybe I’m overreacting.
I guess in general I don’t feel like he is thoughtful, but at the same time he gifted me a very sweet gift last week that showed me he was listening to what I said I like. He will bring up stuff I said which makes me think he does care about me, but then it’s like when I try to talk about something unwarranted he brushes it off? I may just not be good at talking, but a part of me worries it’s because he is not really seeing me as an actual separate person and more-so someone he can just date.
I really do have fun hanging out with him despite all of this, but I am not sure if I like him romantically. I really want my partner to he caring, considerate, and thoughtful, because I myself try my best to be like that, and I’m confused with how he is acting. Sometimes he will do something that will seem very thoughtful like the gift, and I get so happy, and then it’s like I’m just dragged to reality. I also have a fearful avoidant attachment style though so I could just be trying to push him away by coming up with stuff I’m bothered by.
I am wondering if I should stick out trying to date him eventually, or just let things cool down and tell him I’m not interested. My sister told me that we are just friends right now, so he will probably be more caring later on, but i don’t know.
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