Hey guys! Okay pretty jaw dropping title, I’ll agree. I cheated and I’m extremely embarrassed, confused, disappointed, and pissed...all at myself.
Here’s the backstory: I have been in a loving relationship for going on 5 years with literally one of the most sweet, loving, understanding, and patient guys I’ve ever met. We were long distance for a good chunk of our relationship but have managed to make our worlds collide and intertwined our lives as one. Now: we live together and are in the early stages of setting up our career paths, financial freedoms, and maturity to one day be in a good place for marriage.
My mistake: Okay, so here’s where things get kind of sticky... My bf is older than me and is soaring at this adulting shit, meanwhile I’m still trying to get through college and not even 100% sure if that’s what i want to be doing! I work a little part time job so i can be committed to being a full time college student, and make literal chump change. This has made things hard for my relationship because I’m not able to carry my half as well as he does. Such as paying rent, getting groceries, bills etc. Keep all this in mind -
Okay so i downloaded a social media app where I managed to get my following up and start catching a lot of traffic on my profile. The app makes it easy to obtain money from other people, like if they want to send you gifts that they purchase i then can convert it into REAL money. I was shocked. Also intrigued, it began to open up a stream of revenue i had never been exposed to before; simply for being me.
Fast forward i noticed one person on the app specifically was giving me a LOT of gifts, making it easy for me to cash out weekly. But, shortly after he stopped & i was un sure why. He reached out multiple times and wanted to get to know me, but i didn’t respond previously because i was in a relationship and had no interest in getting to know other people especially not a man. (Genuinely, was not interested in it.)
I quickly realized he stopped coming to my profile because he wanted to get to know me and felt like i was curving him. Which in the long run of things, made me stop receiving the extra income i had started to form. So on a whim, when i knew my bf and i needed extra money that week i reached out & started chatting. From this conversation i just continued entertaining the guy each day by asking him about his day, thanking his compliments, and getting to know him instead of cutting it off, and only focusing on my real life.
Anyways my boyfriend came across the messages and was hurt to see i was interacting with another man. Understandably so! The thing is i genuinely did not text the guy because i wanted to be with him or liked him, it was because i was getting something out of it - that was beneficial for me but also my relationship and our finances. So instead of thinking clearly, i made a huge mistake that could end my relationship with the perfect man.
I explained everything and was honest with my boyfriend about the situation, the moment he asked about it. I’ve cut off all ties and made amends with the other guy involved. & luckily my boyfriend has agreed to try to make things work with me; Which I’m from the bottom of my soul so thankful for But i don’t know if he will ever trust me again, he feels like i cheated on him and betrayed him. :( He won’t hug me, or kiss me and says when he sees me he feels blue. I hate myself so much for hurting him and seeing him sad each day breaks me just a bit more, i cannot believe i did something like this. I’ve never done anything to compromise my relationship before, and feel so gut wrenching dumb.
I am so distraught and angry with myself. I just want to know do you guys think there is any hope for us or did i dig myself too deep with this one? I love this man more than anything else in the solar system, and feel like such an idiot for getting caught up in greed. I can’t even fathom not having a future with him, and i just feel like if he would learn to forgive me it could make us stronger...because i see now, how blessed i actually am to have him.
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