I’m a high functioning autistic guy and way back in 2018 I was accepted into a college program for other people with learning disabilities. Got to move a state away from my parents and into a dorm as I wanted the hell away from them. I moved into one of the dorms which was brand new and I didn’t have roommates I had a room all to myself which was great. First semester went amazingly well I made a great amount of friends and did really well in all my classes.
Come second semester second week my best friend told me that our other friend told her that this one girl liked me. Now previous semester I kinda had a thing for this girl (I’ll call her M) but it kinda died during the last few weeks because she likes to complain about her mother and other things that don’t matter. She would also compliment me sometimes no one’s really ever complimented me before it made me blush when she did.
Now I think I have a pretty good personality. I love hanging out with my friends and going out and having a fun good time. I love gaming I play things like assassins creed, halo, Skyrim, any adventure or RPG and I can’t wait till 2022 because I believe that will be one of the best years for gaming ever can’t wait to play Starfield. I’m also a lover of sci-fi books and fantasy like the Percy Jackson books or the Maze Runner and so many others. I am currently reading the Witcher series and when I am finished I plan on reading the Dune books then watching the movie. I totally enjoyed reading The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I am a fan of anime and I think it’s much more fun to watch with your friends. One of my favorites is Tokyo Goul. I am also getting into manga starting out with Black Clover.
She complimented me when I got six inches taken off my hair it was long and curly it was still long after I got it cut shoulder length and people would say I look like a rockstar with my style of hair. She said “hey did you get a haircut? It looks really nice.” Me:”thanks.” “Can I feel it?” Me: ”um sure.” “Ohhhh it’s so soft!”
Just hearing that she had a crush on me was enough to bring the feelings I had back and the fact that no one’s ever been interested in me romantically. So I guess I liked her because I thought she liked me :(.
The next Monday we both sit down and something in me tells me that something is wrong about this. I asked her that I did like her and then I asked if she liked me back but she didn’t say yes or no. She told me that she loves her mom, her sister, and her two brothers and after she graduates the program she’s transferring to a school that’s like 30 minutes away from mine. Then she asks me what does this make us and I said I’m not sure and I had a class to go to right after that. For the rest of the day until the end of my 5:30-8:00 class I was super confused and upset. After I got back from class she wanted to tell me she changed her mind and wanted to try with me.
Now since I am new to dating I’m not all that great with communication. We didn’t really go out on any dates throughout two months we dated I asked if she wanted to go out a few times but she always said maybe. We also lived in the same dorm.
On weekends she likes to go home to see her family so one day she asks if I can take her home and hang out there. She also didn’t have a drivers license at the time. We hung out for a few hours and I just constantly felt awkward and I didn’t feel relaxed.
The next time we hung out at her place I felt a bit more relaxed and a little less awkward. Her teenage sister hung out with us and I had to listen to horrifying BTS music videos. The next day I was walking to my evening class and she texts me asking if I hate her. I told her no why would you think that? And she said that her sister told her I looked like I hated her. I didn’t hate her and I convinced her I didn’t.
Come Valentine’s Day I buy her a card, flowers, and a box of chocolates and I also wanted to take her to the Cheesecake Factory. Her mom already made plans for her to go to church and on a Thursday which was odd to me. Her mom canceled the church plan and I asked her if she wanted to do dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and she asks if I made reservations for it and I said no. I’ve only been to the Cheesecake Factory twice in my life I did not know they made reservations. She made me feel like shit for not making a reservation. Later that night we exchange valentines gifts and we end up ordering a pizza.
A week or two later about an hour after her mom takes her home she starts texting me and getting on to me about how I am bad at communication and getting on to me about how I’m not all that close to my brother but she’s very close to her brother. My brothers a busy guy with two kids to raise and he’s kind of a serious guy that can make any conversation uncomfortably serious he’s also 14 years older than me so there’s an age gap. And she said something that scarred me mentally and it’s something that I’d never thought she’d say “alright but I don’t usually date people with a disability that’s not really my type when it comes to guys.” That sentence really made me upset and had me in tears for a few days. I showed my text to my best friend right after she texted me to try and get advice he tells me that yes I could work on my communication and she can as well because a lot of the messages she sends me are cryptic. He end up calling her and shaming her for saying what she said he told her she was a bigot. We lasted two more weeks I should have broken up when she sent that text but I was a dumbass and thought I could move past it.
The next two weeks were just downhill. One day we were sitting in the union and she wants to know how much money I have in my bank account and I tell her I don’t think that’s your business and she says “don’t make me yell at you I need to know.” So I caved and told her I didn’t have much and she said ugh my sister has more money than you. The Sunday before we break up I really try an attempt to communicate with her and she gets mad at me for texting her while she’s at work and tries to make me feel bad about it. My best friend sees an upset look on my face and asks me what has she said to you? I told her she’s mad because I texted while she’s at work. Unknowingly after I told him that he send a really long text to her i don’t remember what but I do remember the text saying “stop acting like an asshole to him” and when she rolls me about the text that is the only sentence she got out of it. The next day she breaks up with me and I’m feeling the same way about it. During the process of the breakup she tries to turn my friend against me unsuccessfully and later that day she tells me she just wants to be friends and I agree to it. At the end of the semester I told her I didn’t want to be friends and I blocked her on everything. Throughout the rest of that year I was depressed and afraid to get into relationships. Fast forward to now 2021 I am trying to work on myself and lose 90 pounds 255 to 165. I didn’t weigh 255 back then and now in 2021 I just feel gross, unattractive, and just plain afraid to get into another relationship. Currently taking a year off from school.
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/39Mcu8M
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment