I (26F) left a long-term relationship last year and have never really dated. I have been seeing this man (39M) for a good seven months now. We have a weird number of things in common and get along pretty well. But one that kind of throws me off: he is very opinionated on issues going on today (gender/BLM/politics/abortion/cancel culture/ect) and overall insensitive to people's feelings. I am very flexible with people and their opinions and have never really understood where he is coming from. I really thought I didn't care about some of todays topics until I met him.
He often quotes the "facts don't care about your feelings". It got to a point where I would grow very frustrated at him vehemently not hearing my side and why it is good to hear people's feelings. He says he isnt going to pretend he cares about something he doesn't, which is honest, I suppose. The want to understand him got me into researching into politics and other shit as well. I can't argue with his facts, random sources, and life experiences but when i have them (and I try to have legitimate ones, peer-reviewed), they can't be trusted. He's a self-proclaimed freethinker and from a generation where everyone "live and let live". He uses this to criticize today's generation on hot topics and is not with political correctness. Also, he claims the things that bother me (ex: racial/gender humor and stereotypes) are generational. I have met others in that age range that do not think like that though. And its more that he dogs on only one race group the most. I try to be accepting and supportive of others, and I call him out on it but i sometimes don't know how to stand my ground with him.
I'm confused because he treats me well and others that are around, but these opinions are so loud that they sometimes interfere with the way I perceive him. And I was really into him in the beginning. And my idea of who I thought him to be because of our similarities was crushed because I didn't want to see all of this shit too. Now, when we hang out, I feel really anxious because my body is expecting something bad/negative to be said and thats messing with me so bad. It's like im on edge. I've never stood up to anyone because I'm pretty nonconfrontational, but I just feel myself growing irritated recently and replaying conversations on what I should have said.
But get this, I have a best friend (26F) who says the same shit he says but it doesn't bother me as much. Not because I don't care but she's aware of what shes saying being bad and Im not dating her. Whereas the guy I'm seeing claims that he makes humor out of these topics to alleviate the reality of it. I've known my best friend for 14 years so i guess I know her mannerisms and quirks as opposed to the guy ive known for 2.
I dont know how to properly state to him that these things make me uncomfortable without him saying something like "why do you care about what I say", "*I'm* not making you feel anything" "if you did your research, youd see that I'm right".
anyone meet anyone like this before? If so, what's your experience?
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