Pre::: I’m 25F and he 24M. I haven’t dated in 5 years due to not being someone actively looking for a relationship; I don’t force anything but let things happen naturally. Also been working a lot on myself considering last relationship ended due to antidepressant & benzo withdrawal led me to be numbed out for a whole year. I grew up with my bestfriend being a dude so I’ve seemed to have been drawn to male friends, platonically.
Current:: I got my old job back working at an indoor sport facility and there’s a coworker I met & work kinda alongside (different positions but in the same area). We seemed to have connected instantly through our similarities; similar birth experiences, similar mental health experiences, both ADHD & silly about it, etc. And I don’t think it’s just me making conversation/feeling an interest in conversing, he actively brings up things I’ve mentioned like how my dogs doing, how my hair still looks cool (dreadlocks), compliments my style/clothing.
Meanwhile, I’ve only worked with him twice so far, once a week for 6-8hrs. We talk most of the time (I’m just the door person/greeter & he works at the desk next to it), and I guess I just want to add that it’s great to be able to chat with a guy you can be goofy & funny around without feeling like I need to be a certain way (previously I didn’t express my true self with my boyfriends due to not feeling accepted by them).
Now I’m confused as to what I’m feeling. I used to be the girl in high school where if I knew someone liked me, I somehow found a way to like them back? Almost like “ooh someone likes me, I guess I like them too!” But I thought I’ve grown out of that.. Maybe it’s the ADHD (& my previous social anxiety, it’s a bit easier now) that’s making it hard for me to get him off of my mind. As in, I’m just replaying our conversations in my head.
We walk out of work together since our shifts end at the same time. We always say goodbye with a fist bump. But I’ve noticed everytime we start walking away to our cars, he’s like “oh and hey……(couple second pause).. drive safe!” I almost feel like he wants to ask me to hangout or something (or maybe it’s my wishful thinking?). He previously told me (we got into deep convos already lol) that ever since he took LSD he said he’s felt more social anxiety (which my experience was the opposite, mushrooms removed my social anxiety), so that’s why I wonder if he’s trying to ask to hangout but gets nervous and just says “drive safe!”
I guess I have a few questions.. (I often need examples or comparisons in order to understand something fully/accurately)
•First is, how do I know if this is “reciprocity of attraction” (my assumption that he at least likes me as a friend is that he’s nice and goes out of his way to make conversations with me) or me actually liking someone?
•Secondly, how would I know if this is going “too fast”? (ADHD’ers typically dislike small talk and prefer to talk more deeply, even to someone they just met) which we’re both on that level of 20 questions like “what sucked about high school for you, what did psychedelics help you with, what are you addicted to” etc.
•Thirdly, I’m very oblivious to flirting. I’m not a very sexual person, as in I don’t crave sex or participate in masterbating, so I don’t really “dream” of doing those things with people. With him if anything I’ve just pictured us hugging & what that would feel like (I love a good hug! Plus we almost like hugged cuz we both had to help a lady bring things to her car in the snowy cold when we had no jackets on & when we got inside we both did that high pitch squeal & tensing of our body to which I leaned on him a bit). But I can’t figure out what’s playful flirting & what is just him being a good friend. (I’m also someone who is polite & kind to anyone I meet, so I assume it’s hard for guys to know if I’m flirting or being nice)
I’m probably over thinking this but please help an uneducated gal out if you have the advice or insight because I’m oblivious to it all :-) & I feel so gitty about it!
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