I am a 30 year old man and during my entire life there's been only a handful of incidents in which women showed romantic interest to me. By that I mean even simple things like giving me a compliment, being physically closer to me, wanting to hold my hand, or kiss or even talk about the topics.
For context, I am in shape, not good looking but not hideous, shorter in stature, and have a good stable career, no history of addiction or crime, good hygiene, and no particular psychiatric diagnosis. I'm definitely an introvert but I have fairly wide range of interests stil llike traveling, cooking, art and philosophy
Since 2021 I have done online dating on Tinder, somewhat frequently get to meet girls who I matched. But in maybe 39 out of 40 actual dates, none of them have developed to anything remotely romantic or sexual. Usually we talk and have a great time, I maybe give them compliments on their looks and personality, and tell them I'm interested in them, but they want to be friends. Which is fair enough and good for me, because many of these people are wonderful and great friends to me still. I hold no resentment or bitterness to any particular one of them, but when it happens 40 times in a row I'm just... puzzled, and confused?
The one time it actually did develope romantically, I fell in love with this girl. And we had a wonderful supportive time with each other, but ultimately our desires in life were too different so we decided to separate. Still she is a great friend for me, and I talk to her often about my issues. She says she doesn't understand why women don't like me as I am "extremely kind and compassionate", and a great communicator, according to her. I do not believe she is just comforting me, as she is a brutally honest person. The only advice she has is that maybe I could dress better and take more "initiative" in courting and physicality.
The thing is, I try my best to jokes and compliment flirtaciously I meet and maybe make lighter physical approaches, but I also feel very uncomfortable to be too "pushy", and maybe that's one aspect.
There's a part of me that's very sad and maybe even angry since all these advices growing up I got that was of the type "you just haven't met the right person", "you have to be yourself", "be comfortable being alone", "respect boundaries and see the human value in potential partners first", etc. I feel like I followed them very strictly and still I feel desperately undesired sexually or romantically. And when I speak to people about it I'm honestly mostly ashamed, but also I feel gaslit by well meaning people who keeps insisting I haven't tried enough, or in converse I get associated with men who hate women.
Sometimes it just sucks, and part of me wants to just give up and live my life surrounded by pets and do my own hobbies with friends. But I know the loneliness will be there.
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