We’ve gone on about 4 dates so are still just getting to know each other. We live about an hour and a half away from each other and he’s come to visit me the last 3 times, so I’m going to see him next weekend and I know we’ll have an opportunity to hook up.
I have two issues: one, we haven’t verbally discussed what we are looking for. I’ve been trying to look at his actions vs words and it seems like he is looking for more than sex. We go on real dates, talk about real stuff, he checks a lot of my boxes, and has driven 120 miles round trip to see me the last few weekends.
Which brings me to my second problem. Usually I bring up “what are you looking for” on the first date to not waste my time. But after the last 2 guys I’ve dated have led me to believe they want a relationship only to either ghost or dump me after sex, I think it’s a pointless question bc men can lie to get what they want, so I took my therapists advice and value actions over words.
I know that there is no way to prevent being dumped, but I’m highly sensitive and am looking for a serious relationship. I always get attached after sex, and being treated this way after having sex with these last 2 guys has taken a lot of the fun out of it and is making me anxious and stressed out.
I know it’s early and I don’t want to put so much weight on this guy I just started dating. But I want to be honest with him about how I’m feeling yet not overshare, I don’t think he’d want to hear about other guys I’ve slept with.
Gah. What do I do?
Tl;dr: dating a great guy. Scared to have sex because I fear he will lose interest. How to I communicate my needs and not make it seem like I’m asking for a relationship, yet make my desire for a genuine relationship clear? And would it be alright to ask via text?
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