Don’t me like me: you deserve better.
This might be a long post, but If anyone is going through something similar please just know when to walk away because you deserve someone who won’t give you crumbs while you give them a full meal.
For a little background info about me, (21m) I’m a pretty reserved/shy person but I can be social when I have to be. I’ve hooked up but never had a meaningful relationship with someone. I take time to open up to people so forming relationships is a little hard for me, also I’m pretty picky too so that’s another reason I’ve pretty much always been single. I’ve never had that deep connection with someone and always wondered how it felt like, then I met a girl.(19f)
We worked together at our retail job for about five months and we instantly clicked which has never happened to me before. We talked constantly and she was everything I wanted in a partner in terms of appearance and personality. I felt like I could just be myself around her. We flirted, texted, had our lunches together, took her home, played video games. There was nothing to worry about at all and it was amazing. She gave her two weeks but assured me we’d still go out and talk and I was excited for the future, but this is when everything changed.
The moment she left she pretty much ghosted me. Barely replied to texts and didn’t answer the phone when I called. I felt devastated like there was something wrong with me. I kept asking myself “what did I do?”. I asked her if everything was okay and she said she’s just been busy with school but she still wants to talk and go out. I replied understanding her situation.
I see her come to my job as a customer twice after this and we make plans but on the day it was supposed to happen she didn’t reply which made me feel even worse and confused since it was her who suggested it. I confronted her about it on the phone which lasted about an hour but to summarize, she said it was on me because I misheard the days of the plans which I didn’t. I told her how I felt and would like to go out with her and she said she felt the same and to text her to do something. I thought things were resolved and it would get better but she then flaked last minute at the movies after agreeing to go so I ended up watching the movie myself.
This could be considered my first heartbreak, at the time I thought I would never find someone like her again. I even thought maybe it was my fault things turned out the way they did. I thought “maybe I was texting too much” or “maybe I seemed too clingy”. I would see her come into my job as a customer and whenever we talked things seemed fine and she was all over me so it confused me even more. Two months later I see her as a customer and we talked for 30 minutes catching up and it felt like old times. After a while I tried to apologize if I was being annoying or bothering her and she says I don’t bother her if I did she’d be straight up and tell me. She says she likes me and to text her so we could do something or talk. At the time, again, I thought things would get better. Spoiler: they didn’t. I texted her and she didn’t reply and that’s when I was done.
It shouldn’t be that hard to have a relationship. I should’ve walked away sooner but I genuinely thought at the time I would never have another connection like that with anyone else so I wanted it to work and I was making excuses for her. It can’t work now because I can’t trust what she says since she lied to me multiple times. This made me just focus on myself and not try and seek out relationships so I guess her coming into my life helped me out some sort of way.
When we really like someone we tend to ignore the red flags. For example, she told me multiple times everyone else is fake and she’s the realist one. That’s a lie. She said she has narcissistic tendencies, she seemed to forget everything I told her and I had to remind her a lot, she kept making all these plans we’d do together but never followed through. So please, you deserve better than to be treated like this. If someone makes you question or doubt yourself, don’t make excuses for them and leave. It’s not worth it and won’t turn out the way you think.
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