My boyfriend (22m) and I (21f) have been dating for nearly two years. He’s my first boyfriend and my first anything. I love him a lot and he loves me. Like any relationship we’ve had ups and downs, i had to learn how to get over my anxiety and fear of confrontation and actually communicate with him and he had to learn when to understand that I needed some 1x1 attention and affection. There is one issue that’s been plaguing me and it sounds so dumb saying it out loud: he doesn’t post me on socials. To be fair he’s not on socials a lot, he posted a photo shop of my dog he did digitally on IG for his art portfolio and posted a jello sand beach dessert we made on Facebook because it was crafty. Nothing romantic or like “my girlfriend and I did this craft” just a tah of my name. Other than that, nothing from his own accord or desire. No happy birthdays , or anniversaries, no happy Valentine’s. Nothing. Normally that wouldn’t bother me but he posts about projects he builds and animals he gets and when he hangs out with friends. At least a couple times a month on Snapchat. For our first anniversary and my 21st birthday i asked him if he could post just a couple cute or silly pics/vids of me or us, he said sure! And then never did it, whether it was because he forgot or didn’t have time. I’ve told him how it makes me feel insecure and like he’s not proud of me but he’s reassured me he’s just not the posting about his personal life type. The other night while we were hanging out i broke down and cried at the realization why it bothered me so much and how it’ll never change so i gave up. He tried prying it out of me in personal but i reassured him until i got home and then texted him explaining how i felt: it went something like this : “So why i was crying last night: it dawned on me the main reason why I’m so upset is all my life I’ve been yknow insecure about myself and my looks and always felt like i was worth much or much to look at or be proud of.So i got upset when i realized your lack of posting about me just solidified that in my head. Because you post about things in your life your excited about or working on, like your projects or hanging out with [friends] doing Pokémon or whatever. I asked you to post me on my birthday, that was the only thing i really wanted, and you couldn’t find pictures or videos or anything bexause you don’t take them or save them or really See a need and that just resonated with that negative side of my brain that I’m not sll that or even that important in your brain. Idk. I get we’re different in the way we show love and stuff but i think that’s why I’m so stuck on it because before dating you i had this image of finally finding someone who cherished me and wanted me know they were absolutely smitten with me and everyone knew it to just so i felt loved and secured and i guess the only way anyone sees anything in our relationship or how we feel about eachother is through me. Or through what i share or how much i gush about you. I guess it’s just something i need to work on, not everything i expected or thought i needed is gonna be that.” “Idk like i was so shy and nervous and i had never had a romantic relationship and i had all these exceptions and ideas and excitement and i guess i projected a lot onto you or what i thought you’d be and I’m sorry for that. I guess it finally hit me last night I’m not going to ger whay i desire or feel like i need and i need to learn how you love me is different than i expected and that’s ok””And i see other couples like [ ] or [ ] posting their significant others on Valentine’s days or their birthdays and other specia events because they want to and i get so incredibly jealous and full of envy it makes me sick” and this is how he responded “Don't ever say I don't cherish you or I'm not smitten with you. 99% of what I posted on social media in the past year is stuff I or we built. I don't care about giving people updates on my life, my life is my life and when I spend it with you that's all I care about. If people ask, I'll tell, I love bragging about how awesome you are. I really am sorry about your birthday and I wanted to post about you but it never happened” to which i responded “I gues last night i just realized it’s futile and gave up on that idea lol. Like it was a cascade of emotion and i finally just expected it the way that it is and will be. No reason to keep begging for it or expecting yoy to have a sudden change of heart. It just gets my hopes up and makes you feel guilty or pressured. We’re happy and we both know it, and it won’t change if other people know it. Yknow?” And he responded “exactly”. I don’t know if i was trying a last ditch effort for him to fight for that desire or whatever but I don’t think he realized i was trying to convince myself. We’ve had this conversation multiple times, I’ve asked him for the bare minimum, a couple months back we had a long couple day/week talk about how i was unhappy in the relationship and how i felt neglected and he swore up and down to work on it. Is it a loss cause? Should i just except him the way that he is and just meet him halfway? It’s not an unknown issue or weak point in our relationship, he knows how i feel and the fact that he let me just give up on that and talk so, dismissively about something i was so passionate about because it’s now one less problem in his head bothers me. I don’t know am I being unreasonable and disingenuous? Do i need to work on myself?
TLDR: boyfriend rarely posts me and I told him i finally give up after crying about and he seemed relieved and unaffected by my deflation.
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