Hello all. So yesterday I was feeling great, and was thinking of writing a post giving advice, about how to be fine when things like dates don't work out, and looking after yourself in that situation. But today I feel differently.
A few weeks ago, I was planning on going on a date with someone I had been talking to for a few weeks, we got on really well, live fairly close, all good. I haven't been on a date for about 8 years, so for me it was kind of a big deal. It didn't work out, but instead of being gutted about it, I decided to just take myself out on a date instead. I took myself to London for the day, bought myself some presents, bought pizza, and even bought myself flowers. I showed myself a really great time! I am a good date!
So I was going to write a post, about if you're feeling down with Valentines day around the corner, and all the couples everywhere making you feel alone, then just treat yourself. Do the things you would do for yourself, as if you were doing them for someone else you were dating. It really did cheer me up at the time.
But last night I had a dream that I had a boyfriend. It was lovely, all hand holding and kisses and romance. And I realised I want that. More than anything. And I feel like the universe is telling me that it is never going to happen for me so to just give up that idea.
How do I get over that fear, of constantly being rejected, and to just keep trying? If that is what I want. I mean I still do the lottery, so obviously I am ok with trying for almost impossible things. How do I keep the motivation to keep fighting and trying for the one thing in my life I really want? Just someone to love me, that I love back.
I have been to therapy, done all the work on myself. I am very happy with who I am as a person. I find it very easy to make new friends including male friends. I have no problem getting on well with men. But for some reason, men either want to be my friend, or have sex, just not both at the same time in a relationship. Can anyone give me any motivation to just keep going? Have you been through something similar? Have you been single a long time and eventually found someone? Give me some hope it can still happen!!
Now to go buy myself flowers and chocolates, run myself a hot, candle lit bubble bath, and show myself how I should be treated.
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