I've seen around three girls this year, dating (met on dating apps) they all ended for various different reasons but none of them were on my terms. Even one of the girls, I wouldn't even say I liked her that much... I found her attractive but her personality wasn't compatible with mine at all, but I just had this really strong feeling of attachment to her which I desperately don't want to let go of, I built up this idea of her in my head which wasn't even real and something about the thought of a relationship with her was really powerful and my brain longed for it. The craziest thing about this is I'm so worried about doing or saying the wrong thing I am never clear about my intentions and just end up going on endless dates, which are really nice but never really escalate to anything else.
The most recent girl, we had three amazing dates and it was going great, and she text me out the blue a few months ago that she was in a really bad place with intimacy and didn't see herself having a sexual relationship with anyone even though I was her type to a T and she found me really attractive, and we got on like a house on fire. I had the same problem here, I couldn't let go of her, we stayed speaking and would speak on the phone for hours every day for 3 months, she said we were just friends but I always felt like we were closer, so I settled for this. The thought of "losing her" was so devastating I couldn't let her go, even though I knew in the back of my mind it was the right thing to do. Anyway yesterday I spoke with her and told her that I'd never see her as a friend and I'd always have feelings for her, and she confirmed that she would only ever see me as a friend moving forward so we decided it would be best to not speak as the situation wasn't healthy my side, despite me really not wanting to do this.
What is it about these unsatisfying relationships that I just really struggle to let go of? I have been to therapy a lot this year, and recently finished up with my therapist a couple of months ago, and I have to be honest I did not find it useful and didn't really get any answers to these questions... a lot of the therapy was mainly centred around anxiety and how it links to our fight/ flight/ response mechanism... and while I understand and appreciate the concepts they clearly haven't helped me in this situation.
It feels like every girl who shows me attention/ I get close with is my last shot at a relationship, and inevitably when it comes to an end it's never on my terms and I'm always absolutely crushed by it, until the next one comes round and this cycle continues? Any advice welcome
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