Wanted to get your thoughts. Located in NA. Her (32W - Chinese) and I (30M - Tibetan) met on a dating app. We had three dates in total, once a week.
Date 1 - Dinner and walk Date 2 - Dinner and walk Date 3 - Dinner and movies (theatre)
Before the first date, we texted a lot and got to know more about each other. Family (ethnicity), career, life story, goals for the future, etc. During the dates I learned more about her expectations, culture and customs, e.g. the guy marrying the girl’s family usually offers something like a property or cash, etc. So I figured this was escalating.
Second date she randomly brought up how I am not 5’10 as stated on my app (honestly I am easily right under 6 foot with sneakers on; 5’9/5’10 when standing up straight barefoot and not slouching). She’s also like 5’5 so I have a good height difference on her.
Anyways, after the second date she mentions how she really wanted to watch this movie at the theatre and I was a bit hesitant because I know movies at a theatre are not a good early date plan but I digress. She also rejected my ask if she was comfortable with a kiss at the end of the date. We made plans though for a third date that same night. I also invited her to my place multiple times in person/txt, she said maybe later too early, etc.
We went on our third date, had dinner and watched the movie she wanted to see. During the movie, I might have said I want to kiss you, as she is pretty, and she ended up putting her head on my shoulder to sleep? I should have made a move at least to kiss her on the forehead but I didn’t as she had rejected my advance last date and thought it would be unwarranted/forcing myself on her.
Anyways the movie ends, I drive her back to her place and she randomly brings up how she isn’t sure if she/we sees me/us as a friend or relationship/more? I told her this is kind of sudden but I like her more than friends and that was it. I still don’t 100% understand exactly what she was getting at - was she telling me what she wanted or seeing my response? Deep down we had conflicting schedules and I know we didn’t connect 100% on everything but I think highly of her. She told me to text her when I get home.
I texted her when I got home that night the following:
“Home now. I wanted to say thank you and enjoyed spending time with you. I thought about our conversation and it seems like you see us as just friends and to be honest, I am not looking for just friends. So I think it’s probably best we focus on what we want. Take care and wish you all the best”.
She responds with “good night for now” and that was it.
She then responds with this a few days later:
“Sorry for finally having some time to really response just now. But wanna start to say thank you for being honest and proactive for this whole time when hanging out with me. Honestly, I did think about the possibility of getting serious relationship with you because you’ve been considerable, gentleman, passionate and ambitious about your career. But overall, I think the vibe is not right and I don’t see anything that could make me skipping the thoughts of having a tall boyfriend. I dont know why, but I think mostly it’s on me being not comfortable, not open-mind, always conflicting myself, or maybe not know exactly what I look for and taking things slow. Anyhow, it was pleasure to meet you and great to meet someone in the finance industry and so passionate about his future. If not see you in the near future, I really wish you all the best to find your Mrs Right and career development.”
I didn’t reply because I honestly was a bit shocked she wrote all that but also felt a bit insulted - I’ve never had a girl ‘reject’ me for my height and in addition to this, I already made it clear I wanted more than just friends and that it seems she didn’t so we should just focus on what we want. Anyways I didn’t respond as I didn’t have anything else to add that I didn’t already say days before.
What are your thoughts on her text? I am not necessarily looking for a serious relationship but also don’t want to be her platonic friend. Is she implying casual in anyway? I respect her feelings and what she wants in a guy, so no hard feelings but this whole days later huge text threw me off along with some of the things she said to me.
Thanks in advance. Never thought I’d post to reddit asking for dating thoughts/advice but I’d like to learn from this experience for future knowledge.
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