It’s possible this is my autistic side struggling with the concept (I had to teach myself a lot of social stuff when I was younger to reach the high functioning state I’m in now) but to me it seems bafflingly confusing without using dating apps which I’ve never had luck with or just being super lucky with bumping into someone. In college and high school the fact that you were forced into daily contact with a wide range of constantly changing people made it so much easier to meet people, however now that I’ve graduated here are the issues I’ve run into.
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Most people recommend joining clubs or activities, however I don’t really understand how that’s effective. These things tend to have a select limited group that doesn’t change members often and so it feels likely I’d join one and not meet someone who I could potentially get to know, and then what do I do at that point? Keep joining clubs and stuff until I do meet someone? That doesn’t feel sustainable. I also don’t want to be joining clubs purely to meet someone to date as that feels creepy. I also wouldn’t want to go to one, see there was no one, and leave as that would also be creepy I feel.
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I don’t drink at all and am not a fan of concerts and bars (I have the common autistic issue where loud noise is overwhelming to me sometimes) and these days it feels like there aren’t a ton of just general social gathering spots like there used to be. I could be wrong but I can’t think of anything where there’s just a constant flow of people hanging out that would be cool with someone walking up and asking to join them without making them uncomfortable. Also I know some people aren’t comfortable simply being asked on a small date like coffee unless they really know them and I wouldn’t want to make someone uncomfortable at all. That’s something that makes me anxious as I never want to make people uncomfortable or come across as an asshole or creepy. On top of that I’m terrible at reading ages within a certain range, that may be an autism thing as well, and I’m terrified of a situation where I ask someone who’s like 19 or 20 or god forbid someone slightly younger and coming across as some incredibly creepy person. Maybe it’s just paranoia as I’m an anxious person but that always scares me in the back of my mind.
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I love that with dating apps it’s all very upfront about the fact that people are there to look to date others but I’ve not had much luck with those. I’m not sure if I should try to find singles events or speed dating? I don’t know.
Any advice at all that could potentially help me figure out how people actually meet others would be super helpful. I’ve always done really well on actual dates but meeting people and starting a date is hard because I have so little experience to have learned from. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
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