Basically, I've honestly only had shitty experiences with guys. I don't have much relationship experience. I didn't have my first kiss/date till I was 21 and ever since, it's just been shitty guys. The guy I was with then turned out to be some creepy douche. Then the next couple of guys after turned out to be borderline rapey honestly. I will admit, I was naive at this time so I missed a few of the red flags so I'll take that upon me. Then I took a break (this was in 2020) and started talking to a guy in 2021. All the other guys only lasted around 3-4 weeks but I got into a more official relationship with this guy and it lasted a whole year and a half. He was a lot more genuine than the other guys and we bonded SO well. However, after a year, our relationship started to crumble, he had prioritization issues and never put me first. When I'd call him out on it, he'd always get defensive but then apologize later but never really change his actions. We fought a lot (I admit that there were some stuff he did that I wasn't able to let go so I did keep bringing up the past, which led to these fights, so I can't say I've been fully in the right either). It got really bad that he basically stopped talking to me and almost ghosted me altogether. There were a couple other things he did/said that bothered me too, aside from never putting our relationship first, so those didn't really help his case much either. Yeah sure, even if I did have my faults, I always tried working things out and changing my actions, he never seemed to.
I'm going to take a break from guys for now but I'm like lowkey scared to look again. I'm constantly in this weird state where I get practically jealous of all my friends and their super nice and normal relationships. I wish I had that, it's something I've never really experienced much before. I want to be with someone that treats me exactly the way I treat them and matches my energy in the relationship completely. I'm kind of getting worried that I'm going to be 30 and barely have any relationship experience still. I just feel kind of dumb and wanted any advice or feedback you guys might have. I'd really appreciate it.
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