Am i self-sabotaging? (20F) and never had relationship.. - ATX News Paper

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Friday, August 19, 2022

Am i self-sabotaging? (20F) and never had relationship..

Hi everyone, as i said i never had relationship and it kinda started to bother me.. I feel like i'm wasting my young and fresh years and there is also a kind of wish where there would be a person who would love me and i would passionately love him back etc. And this kinda makes me feel lonely.

From elementary school to middle school i was bullied by my teacher(hitting me and calling me stupid in front of children so they were calling me the same) and classmates. It kinda made me a kinda cold and indivudual person. I also had weight and acne problems which i gladly got over it but still made me insecure about my body.

Okayy no more blabbing. And now i just started collage and everything is just great. I'm that girl who is feminine and kinda fancy (idk if this is right i'm not native) and lots of my friends tell me i'm very attractive and get surprised that i never had bf. But they also say i have a kind of bitch face or i look kinda arrogant from far.

The thing is i feel like men around me find me attractive but none of them make move bc i act so formal with them(bc of my past i can't act warm). Or when i start flirting with someone i'm the one who ends it due to small details and even i'm interested in someone asap they start to get close my affection for them overs. Is this a kind of self defence in my mind? Or did i just not found that special person?

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