I have been seeing a really great guy for about 3 months now, we talked a lil bit every now and then for about 2 months in Hinge before meeting. This is the first guy I have introduced to my friends and family, and also the first guy whose friends I have met and partied with. We've hung out for 6 weekends together, all of which involved sleeping over. He suggested we exchange gifts and also do Christmas and NYE phone calls since I had to go back home for holidays. He also does this thing where he hints we are going to see each other in the future for a considerable time. For instance, I always shave my legs, underarms, and bikini line before sex, and this one time we ended up hanging out without planning ahead and when I expressed concern that I'd not shaved, he'd very supportively told me he didn't really care. Later on, he called back to that comment from me and said, "I like you, you are special to me, and I want to keep seeing you, and if we see each other, I'm sure there'll be times when you wont wanna shave or wont be able to in the future, I just want to let you know I really dont care about body hair." He peppers in these references to keep seeing in the future every now and then.
Having said that, I have been lovebombed before, and this didn't feel like lovebombing to me at all, so it had been easier for me to open up and be vulnerable. I still have my hinge, but my profile is paused and I had only been going there to show my friends his profile, or just to look at myself lol. However, I noticed that he updated his location to his friends' town where he was spending the holidays for 2 weeks. It wasn't the location based updates but more of a manual update, and that hurt so much right away, but my friend pointed out I too still had hinge, and we've not really talked about exclusivity, so it might be better to have a talk. I have never had a relationship talk before, so the idea was a bit exciting too, so I had been mentally taking notes and preparing myself as to what I want out of this and where I see us going. As I was doing this, I realized I also didn't have much idea about what exactly I wanted in terms of labels long term, but I found out that I don't want to be with someone who is hanging out with me and also exploring other people.
A few days ago, I got the itch and checked his profile again, and he changed his relationship goals from Long term to Short term. His relationship style remains "monogamy" (which made me sigh and then laugh at modern dating and then cry a lil bit at myself for stalking someone's dating profile) This made me a bit anxious to have this conversation now. Before, it had seem like a new adventure that could have any kind of result, but I dont know why him changing that created this fear and anxiety that made me push the talk back to this weekend from last weekend. While I'm doing this creepy lil detective work, I'm also talking to him and making plans with him for the weekend to come, which makes me feel very guilty, so I need to talk about it as soon as I can, but I have no clue how.
Another part of the mixed signal would be his very late response time. When we started to talk on hinge, I had been traveling for the summer and he had been really busy at work due to a busy season at his business, so our texts would be spread out a couple of days. It kind of got better after we met the first time. His texts are always detailed, and it's clear he puts thoughts into them, which is what made me fall for him in the first place. After the second or third hangout though, his texts are almost always a couple of days late. I don't think this had bothered me too much until now because he had also been verbally affirming me to let me know he liked me and wanted to keep seeing me to make up for that. That is until I saw that he has also been updating his profile, which made me feel a bit delusional for assuming he'd not be exploring.
How do I start that conversation? Do I mention I noticed he updated his hinge? And if he says he's only been involved with me, do I still not mention the change in his hinge? I was also very curious about change of goals from long term to short term as well, but I don't want to just assert I want a long term realtionship; I'm just curious what changed for him. Has hanging out with me made him realize that? Another question would be, do people just talk and hang out with just one person and just have their hinge open or edit it to accumulate more matches for the future? Would it be selfish to ask him to not use it for as long as he is talking or hanging out with me?
TL;DR: Been dating a guy for 3 months with very couple-y behavior and future talk, but we never discussed exclusivity, and seeing him update his Hinge (including changing from long-term to short-term) plus slow texting is making me anxious and unsure how to bring up the “what are we / are we exclusive” conversation.
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