I’m a 24F meet a 28M on a dating app. Things started off really well. Our first date was drinks and conversation for about 2.5 hours, and it only ended because I had to leave. We went on a second date shortly after, and again, it went great. We were both clear that we were looking for a long-term relationship.
On the third date, I went to his place and we had sex. Before that happened, I was very upfront and told him that when I have sex with someone, I’m only with that person both for health reasons and because I can’t do casual sex. He agreed, and we went ahead. The sex was good, and afterward nothing changed negatively. He continued texting me every day, planning dates, and showing interest.
Because of my work schedule, I could only see him about once a week, but we communicated consistently and made it work. The next time we saw each other, we talked more about what we were doing. He brought up exclusivity and asked if that’s what I wanted. I said I wasn’t sure yet not because I didn’t like him, but because things felt like they were moving fast, and he also had some personal baggage that made me hesitant to give an immediate yes.
I asked him what he wanted, and he said it would be nice to know I wasn’t talking to or sleeping with anyone else. I told him I wasn’t. Earlier on, before we had sex, he had told me he was still on the apps. I had actually deleted mine entirely after a bad experience, but I didn’t make a big deal about that. During this conversation, he said he couldn’t control what I did since we weren’t officially together, which I understood. Then he repeated that it would be nice to know I wasn’t seeing anyone else.
Because I struggled to give a clear yes/no answer right away, he suggested being FWB, which I immediately said no to. In the end, we mutually agreed to be exclusive. After that, he told me he deleted the apps, wasn’t seeing anyone else, and wanted to focus on getting to know me. Things continued as before daily texting, planning dates, affection. He would often kind of jokingly asked me if I had told my friends and my sister about him, and I told him no because I’m a private person and I was being honest. He would ask me what I would tell them if I went out with him. I let him know I’d tell them I’m with a friend. So im not sure if that kind of bothered him too because he did invite me over to come meet his friend. But I know not everyone is the same as me. I don’t introduce someone I’m dating to friends or family unless I’m sure of that person. The last time I saw him, we went out to dinner, had sex, and he was very affectionate and engaged.
A few days after that, I felt a shift. He started taking longer to respond, and I could tell something was off. I was developing real feelings for him, and sex is very emotional for me. I tried to make time to see him, but one night he said he was busy. That was fine. A couple days later, I asked again because I didn’t want to go two weeks without seeing him. He said he wasn’t busy, but that he needed to tell me something and I already knew what was coming.He ended things and said he “wasn’t ready for a relationship.” This confused me, because he was the one who brought up exclusivity in the first place.
For context: when I met him, he had gotten out of a short-term relationship about 3 months earlier. I asked if he was truly ready to date, and he said yes. He also mentioned feeling behind in life compared to his friends who are married and having kids, which is something he wants but feels far from right now. We knew each other for about 2 months, texted daily, and were exclusive for roughly 3 weeks. It’s been over a month since he ended things, and I’m still hurting even though it was short.
Part of me wonders if he thought I didn’t like him enough because I hesitated with exclusivity, but another part of me feels like “I’m not ready for a relationship” really just means he wasn’t that into me. He did have a lot going on in his life (details I’m leaving out for privacy), but I can’t stop replaying everything and questioning it.
Was I led on, or did he genuinely realize he wasn’t ready? And how do I move on from something short that still hurts this much?
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