If you're desperate for a relationship and feel you're 'incomplete' without one, please see a therapist. It's imperative you learn to love and respect yourself more than this.

I can't begin to describe how destructive the idea that we "need" a partner is. Romanticism preys upon the emotionally insecure - those who perhaps experienced trauma in childhood and are unable to validate and understand themselves. People who look to outside sources to 'complete' them, who don't feel they're good enough as they are. But you cannot be completed by another person - this idea is totally absurd and extremely dangerous for our mental health. Sure, it might be nice to have someone you can enjoy dating. But your entire worth is not predicated upon whether or not you're in a relationship or whether or not your crush likes you back.

I'm well-intentioned with these words, because I wasted YEARS of my young life (early 20s) agonising over potential partners. I trawled Tinder looking for someone to love me and became devastated when real-life crushes didn't reciprocate feelings. I cried myself to sleep over unavailable men, thinking my life was over when they didn't want me. It really reflected my insecurity and undeniable lack of self-esteem. Only now do I see how damaging and unhealthy this actually was.

So I've finally learned how to validate and respect myself, with or without a partner. I did this by going to therapy and studying the subject at length. For anyone interested, I would really recommend looking at John Bowlby's attachment theory.

submitted by /u/Melting-butter-bean
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