I'm a 31 y.o. male and I haven't had a relationship for a very long time. Almost no girl ever comes on a 2nd date with me and I just have no idea what I'm doing wrong, and it feels like banging my head against a wall.
Usually it goes something like this.
We have a good time on the first date (if we don't I don't follow up, obviously). We drink a coffee, take a walk in a park, or if we have some common interest, maybe we do something related to that (e.g. recently I went to an art exhibition for a first date). Most of the time I'll walk her home and get something encouraging towards the end: she will say she really enjoyed herself (unsolicited, of course), or she will suggest a 2nd date already, or there's even a brief kiss, if I feel like we got to that level of intimacy already.
And then that's it. I'll either be ghosted or her interest will fizzle out in a few days and I'll never see her again. Lately I got into the habit of asking them for some feedback regarding why they changed their mind, so I can at least understand and know whether it's something I should work on, but I never get a reason. It's always something like "I just didn't see each other dating" or "somehow I wasn't interested in you in that way", or something like that, but never anything I could do something with.
One factor I should add is that I almost always go on dates with total strangers, because I'm a freelancer and I just don't have a social circle where I could meet girls organically. So if the girl doesn't come on a 2nd date quite soon after the 1st I will just be forgotten because we will never see each other again.
This whole thing is just destroying my self-esteem. I just can't understand what is so wrong with me that I'm not worth a 2nd meet-up. I feel like by now I don't even know what a 1st date should be like, because I always thought it's just to get a feel of each other's vibe, but by this point I feel so much pressure of it because it seems like if someone doesn't literally fall in love with me then and there, there will be no second chances.
And the worst part is just not understanding. I love to develop and work on things, to get a picture on stuff so that I can work on them, but these cases give me nothing to work with. Whether I move fast or slow, whether the date is long or short, whether I talk about myself more or let her take the spotlight, it's always the same thing and I never get any feedback. I'm just really frustrated by all this.
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