This is about my crush who is also my best friend.
He will go on about how he wishes someone liked him and little does he know that the person he’s talking to likes him. I wish i could tell him, i so badly want to and am even contemplating doing it this week. Im just so terrified of losing him as a best friend or hell, dating him and ending up losing him then too. These feelings are unbearable. Everyone I’ve talked to are like “okay well you could lose him as a friend” or “it could make things awkward”… then how the hell am I supposed to act on my feelings? Isnt the risk part of it?.. how do i gain the confidence to actually do it though?
I constantly went back and forth on if i even had a crush on him in the first place but once i looked further, all the signs were there. He’s funny and nice. He’s very knowledgeable and I learn something new anytime i talk to him. I do things to impress him, I love talking to him even if its on a topic im not familiar with. He makes me feel appreciated and i miss him very much when he’s gone. I like it when he teases me and i notice the little things like the way he smiles at me after i laugh at his jokes. Or how he smirked at me when we were dancing. I laugh at things that arent even funny but i cant help it. I found i always wanted to be closer to him and physically closer too, i would think of scenarios in which it would be possible. I always try to look better for him. For myself but an added bonus for him. When he complements me, it feels different from when my other best friend does, it feels so much more meaningful. I dont view him as perfect though and thats what always confuses me. I always idolized other crushes and this time is different. (I’m glad i grew out of that, it was a TERRIBLE habit.) Theres things he does that annoy me and i have small nitpicks about him like the way he’s picky with food and some other small stupid things. But honestly, i dont really care. I think i like him regardless. Is this a crush?
I think i want to date him. I want to hold his hand in public and hug him more. I can imagine kissing him and sometimes it feels nice but other times it feels weird.. Sometimes i feel weird imagining him kissing me and it makes me confused and continue to question myself if that is what i really want. Do i want to or am i just forcing myself to think that way? Do i just want a closer platonic relationship?
I’m afraid of telling him because I don’t want to lose our friendship. I dont want things to change, i love our dynamic as of right now. But i feel like my brain is trying to say i want to be more. I dont want our dynamic to change though and I would hope we could be in a relationship act the same. I also dont want to break up with him if we do end up in a relationship. Or get rejected and have things be awkward. I guess… i really just dont want to lose him.
Any ideas on what I could do?
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