(F20)
For context: I'm in the process of recovering from a BED and gaining a better relationship with my body. I've started to wear clothes that fit, rather than ones 3 sizes too big for me (as I didn't realise what size I was for a long time due to the body issues that occurred from this, such as body dysmorphia). I've been putting myself out there in the way of friendships, which has even helped me in my long-time friendships a great deal, however, I cannot gain the courage to ask someone out due to the self-esteem issues that I gained from my BED. I've lost almost 25 kg, and I'm planning on losing much more.
There's this guy who I have liked for a few months. We have an odd friendship, it's like constantly teetering on the border of being flirty (in my opinion). We've had an odd number of "moments", it's weird, because I'm not the sort of girl who gains silly crushes on random guys, but this is genuinely one of the first guys in my life I've liked to the extent that I like him. I have an ex, and I've had other things, but I'm scared to mess up the friendship with this one guy. I'm scared that I'm misinterpreting the signals. We get on well, we have a lot of funny banter, and we just poke fun at each other quite a lot.
I've decided to go with the flow and take it one step at a time (if it works out then it works out, if not, then so what? No point in this frustration). My relationship with myself and my body is giving me the inability to do anything about it, as I look at myself and think, "who would want to get with THAT". I honestly don't know what to do about this. I'm so frustrated with this whole situation and it's all coming from my lack of self-esteem and insecurity.
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