Stepping away? - ATX News Paper

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Monday, January 27, 2020

Stepping away?

[20M] So, she's [18F] a friend of mine but I've liked her as more than that pretty much since I've known her. I spent an entire semester of university flirting (and imo she gave a lot of mixed signals), but I never made a concrete move because she had a boyfriend for most of that semester. Now, there was a time when I stepped back completely (which was followed by an uncharacteristic text from her basically saying "we're supposedly friends so we can work things out"), but I basically just went back to normal and gave things another go.

Now, by the end of this semester I figured: Okay, she's not into me and I need to step away from this to deal with my feelings, since I see her everyday. I figured I'd send her an audio message so she at least has some context. The jist of it was: I'm into you, I need some time and space to deal with my feelings, I'd say this in person but I don't want to ruin the upcoming trip (we had a big trip with a ton of mutual friends just a few days after I sent the message).

She replied: "Ok". I figured that was that. On the trip though, I quickly found out that:

  • She showed or at least told a lot of our mutual friends about the audio (which imo rubs me the wrong way, feels like trying to turn my friends against me).

  • She was apparentely not doing great? One of her closest friends pulled me aside and said I was a jerk for doing what I did and that she wasn't doing well.

Now, I feel like I'm in the right here. I never noticed her "not doing well" (she was pretty cold towards me, which I more or less expected) and she never mentioned it herself or tried to talk to me about it (and honestly she could have just replied to the original message instead of acting like everything was okay). I talked to some of my friends and they think what I did was reasonable, but now I'm completely torn and it did end up kind of ruining the trip for me. I feel like she's in this for the attention, almost like I had the responsabilities of a boyfriend without the benefits of one, and that she's more upset about that. Thoughts? Advice?

submitted by /u/Joaoseinha
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