I went on countless dates and spent years in unfulfilling relationships. I was overwhelmed with online dating. I struggled with finding someone compatible or getting ghosted but something finally clicked this year.
Confidently and clearly communicate your thoughts, wants, needs and then let it go. Wait for a response or lack of one before proceeding to the next step. Done!
For a long time I was very confused by mixed messages and constantly made excuses for why things were the way they were. I said things like “I haven’t heard from him in days even after I asked him to reach out to me but he must be very busy” or “I always have a good time when we finally go on a date but he must be stressed with work since we never constantly see each other” or “I know he likes me but he’s scared to get hurt so I should keep giving him more time and space”. These thoughts and beliefs kept me confused, hurt and stuck with the wrong person.
I realized the “right” person for me will explain they have anxiety but still work through it to see me or they will express the pain they felt in a previous relationship and still ask me to be in a relationship with them. They will make the time, effort or open a return line of communication when I express a need, want or express feelings. They do not want me to be confused or hurt.
My goal is no longer to make an excuse for someone or to change their mind. My goal is to be very honest and clear about what is important to me and see how they respond. A positive response means move to the next step or communicate. A negative or lack of clear communication in return means let go or step back.
This has saved me many times now and has allowed me to focus on people that ultimately were serious and authentic about their feelings. I also took all the effort and energy i used to spend in confusion and focused on improving my life. I stopped spending time worrying about the “unknowns”.
Seems like an easy concept now but in the throws of online dating I was struggling with the “games” everyone was playing until I had this cheat sheet. I accepted that everyone will date differently and will have different standards/intentions/expectations/responses but my only responsibility is to communicate and respond accordingly based on what matters to me.
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/3ksIPXb
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment