During the summer, I started dating a friend of mine and after a few weeks she broke it off because she felt like barely anything changed between us from just being friends. She wanted more romance and "dating characteristics" and less of a FWB situation. The thing is: I really tried. It just wasn't enough...
I was raised in a fairly emotionally distant family. There were no kisses or "I love you"s growing up. Plus, my parents got divorced when I was 2 and I generally never saw my mom and dad affectionate towards each other or anyone else. In fact during my childhood, all people with influence or authority over me presented themselves as completely asexual. No one ever showed or told me how to flirt or how to show affection or sexual desire - those were alien concepts only displayed in movies.
This has made it hard for me to show any affection, which in turn makes it hard for other people to show it towards me. I mean, I'm 29 years old and I've never been told "I love you" by anyone ever. Me being so closed off a lot of the time is probably a big factor in that.
Over the years (as a defense mechanism), I've told myself that this is normal and no one except cringy and overly clingy people want all that lovey-dovey stuff. Touching someone or making compliments for example, always seems really scary and uncomfortable to me because I feel like I'm not supposed to. I tell myself that it is unusual/rude at best and manipulative/abusive at worst and that I'm better off keeping all that to myself. While this thinking might not always be wrong, it really stifles any progress during dating. I have so much love and desire inside me, I shouldn't let it wither and die without any form of expression. I want to become a more open person.
So as embarrassing as it feels to ask: This thing most people find normal and natural is really hard for me. Could you please help me?
To put it more concrete: What are some small things I can do to train myself over the next years to make affection and desire (especially in relationships of sexual nature) come and seem more natural to me? How do you guys show your partner that you like/want them? How would you like them to show you?
TL;DR: Read the last paragraph.
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