Granted, this may be a side effect of dating in the Poly/ENM scene, but it seems more widespread.
I will readily admit that my sexual orientation is pretty vanilla. I’m not hetero-flexible or into power play or really anything outside of the emotional affection and physical stimulation. That said, I still think I contribute plenty to actual sex as far as listening to my partners and general performance.
I obviously have no problem with people’s own kinks and would never shame someone; I’ll even “play along” as far as I’m comfortable. That said, it doesn’t seem enough to find true compatibility based on my experience in the current dating scene.
It seems like everyone knows if they are a top or bottom and are looking for a counterpart. Even switches want someone who can play a role. I really don’t have any interest in being someone’s sub and I will never be comfortable with being called daddy. I can’t bring myself to earnestly cause someone pain, and I do not want to be pegged. These are like the minimal levels of kink that are apparently expected.
I am all for a sex positive society, yet I am starting to feel isolated as all of my partners (of which there are few) have admitted to preferring someone who fits into their power play fantasies. Even when I try to put on a different hat and try to roleplay, it doesn’t seem genuine enough to cover it.On dating sites, I usually am ghosted around the same time it’s brought up that I don’t have any hard kinks.
I know sex isn’t the only driver of a relationship, but I would like to feel I can fully compliment someone.
Is this just all in my head or are my partners just telling me I’m bad at sex? What are your thoughts?
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