I’ll start with a back story. I (23f) have been seeing this guy (24m) for about 3 months now. He has asked me to be his girlfriend a few times but I said no each time because I have never dated anyone and I don’t want to rush into a relationship just because. I want it to be meaningful. Anyway, we talk a lot, FaceTime, we’ve hung out almost every weekend for the past three months. I like him and I’ve had a really good time with him. But at about 1 month of seeing him, he had spent the night and we were going to breakfast the next morning. I put on a tank top that clearly showed my n*pples and he said he didn’t want me to wear it because it was revealing. I told him I didn’t ask and was going to wear it anyway. That was the end of that so I didn’t think much of it. He expressed his feelings and that was fine. A similar thing happened at about 2 months but it was a sheer tank top I was going to wear a red bra underneath and he again didn’t want me to wear it because it was revealing and I again said I didn’t ask but this time I chose to go with a different outfit anyway (not influenced by his comment). Now at three months I was picking an outfit to go out and laid out options. He picked one for me to try on so I did. It was a sheer black dress that I was going to layer with a dress underneath but for a more risqué option I also laid out just a bra and underwear to go underneath the sheer dress without the other layered dress. I tried on just the under garments with the sheer dress and he REALLY liked it and that made me feel good. Then I started picking out shoes to go with it but then he said he didn’t want me to wear it because it’s too much and he doesn’t want other guys looking at me, trying to hit on me or trying to touch me. And that he only asked me to try it on for him. I told him none of that was going to happen and that I can wear whatever I want. He then said well if you’re wearing that then I’m not going out. I told him he’s trying to control what I put on my body and I didn’t like that and I can wear whatever I want and he can also wear whatever he wants. In my head I realized this is stemming from insecurity. It would’ve been fine if he just expressed that he didn’t like me wearing it bc it was too revealing but it was the fact he was demanding me not to wear it and saying he wouldn’t go out if I did. We eventually reached a point where he agreed I can wear whatever I want, he can wear whatever he wants, and that he won’t try controlling what I wear again. Sorry this is so long for such a small issue. Again, I’ve never been in a relationship so I just don’t know how to feel. It feels like a red flag but he was able to recognize why it was wrong. There was also a point where I said “no one is going to do anything, I’m with you” and he replied smiling with “oh you’re mine?” And that just sounded so possessive to me it gave me the ick. Is this an issue I should look past? Or is it even an issue? Maybe it’s a green flag that we were able to work through it but he’s definitely still insecure, that doesn’t just go away. Thanks in advance.
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