I met this guy a few months ago and immediately hit it off. He was really cool and we seemed to have everything in common (both musicians, gamers, comedy lovers etc). We also had the most effortless banter and would stay up till 8AM in the morning just talking and laughing for hours. We also spent a great deal of time listening to music together, playing music together, and making playlists. It is worth noting, that he was the one who initially pursued me. We have a bit of an age gap but he convinced me that the age gap didn’t matter because we were just too compatible. Over time, he broke down my walls and we both decided to lean in passionately to this romance. Soon enough, we were spending every other day together. We would stay up till the sun came up talking and listening to music, and cuddling and loving each other. We both told each other that we loved each other, that we were soulmates, that we wanted to be together forever, etc. When we weren’t together, he texted me constantly saying how much he missed me and loved me. However, after about a month of constantly hanging out and sleep deprivation, the other parts of our lives began to suffer. We both started having trouble at work, we both started having our health go downhill, and we both neglected our bands and other musical projects because we were constantly together and/or sleep deprived. On one particular night last week, we hung out all night again and drank quite a few beers together while we talked all night. He did not disclose to me that he hadn’t eaten a single thing that day, hadn’t slept the night before, and was dealing with a bunch of other stress at work and home. At 9am he returned to his home and apparently fainted in his kitchen. His family couldn’t wake him up and almost had to call the ambulance. They are now (obviously) very concerned about how he has been living his life. I told him that I had no idea he hadn’t eaten, and that I hope he didn’t subconsciously blame me for what happened. He assured me it was all good but after that day his energy has completely shifted. For the past four days, his texts have been incredibly dry, he doesn’t initiate conversation, etc. Yesterday, I asked to speak on the phone with him and we talked for an hour. I told him I was worried he associated me with sleep deprivation, home problems, work problems, etc. Thankfully he responded that it “takes two to tango” and that I should consider my sleep deprivation, my job, and my home life too. (Which also HAS been suffering lately because of all the time we spend together) On the phone call, his energy definitely felt different than it was before. Didn’t seem as lovey dovey or whatever. He just said, “we’ve spent nearly every waking minute together and I think it’s negatively impacted other parts of our lives and we need to focus on those parts of our lives too” I said, “I completely agree. You’re totally right. I think we just got a bit carried away cause that’s what you do when you fall madly in love sometimes.” He said “I agree. We got really carried away but now we’ve got to focus on other things too” And I was like “ok but do you still want to see me or are things weird now?” And he said, “no yeah, I do want to see you.” And I said, “okay….well when you decide, the ball is in your court” And he said “uhhh ok I think I’m free Wednesday. We could watch a movie or something” I said yes and then we both said I love you and hung up.
This would seem like a good conversation right? Well then why do I still have a giant burning pit in my stomach? Why do I feel like something is so OFF? Perhaps I am just overthinking. Perhaps he totally still is just as madly in love with me as before but wants to focus on other priorities in his life as well. Or, perhaps my gut feeling is right and he has lost interest in me. Maybe he is saying he wants to focus on other things but deep down something shifted and he’s just not that into me anymore. I just don’t understand how he could go from being madly in love with me one moment to barely texting me or wanting to see me the next moment.
Not sure what to do here. I definitely am going to focus on myself and my own projects during this time. But I also am unsure if I should continue hanging out with someone who may not even be into me anymore.
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