I (28M) have been with my GF (25F) for four and a half years. We have been very close our entire relationship, and have lived together for about 3 years. The relationship has always been pretty stable with very rare fighting, and if we do disagree, we make up the same day without issue. All things considered, we are stable right now and I know she is waiting for the next step.
However, I am having a lot of anxiety about our future together due to the following reasons.
1) We don't really get along with each other's friends. We don't hate them, but we hang with very different crowds of people. This means if one of us has a party or outting with our respective friends, often we do not accompany each other. It's not really a point of contention, but it does leave a lot to be desired, and I wish I enjoyed spending more time with her people. But for me, it's like nails on a chalkboard whenever I'm with them, despite the fact I think they're good people.
2) I don't really trust her judgement on a lot of things. She had an interesting upbringing and never really had a role model or standard for decision making. One inconsequential example is furniture for example. I felt if I asked her to pick out something like a couch, i feel like I'd be very anxious about her getting something that sounds good, but is impractical. For example, I said we should get new towels, and she bought some "recycled" environmentally friendly ones that were scratchy and fell apart quickly. This happens often with all types of household items, and despite my objections. My real fear in this comes with more important things like buying a house together, or having children. I will bring this up more in other points
3) She can be a bit unmotivated. This includes her own career, helping with household chores, etc... she works a pretty entry level job, which is fine, but even for that she often starts late after sleeping in, calls out with headaches, and finds ways to do the bare minimum. In terms of chores, we've arranged where I do 80% of the chores but she is responsible for most of the dishes. However, she'll go 3-4 days without doing any, which is tough to handle when I work 8am-7pm most days. She'll have been off for two hours by the time I get home, I'll do some cleaning why she watches TV, and then i cook our dinner.
4) She has a constant slew of various medical ailments that she blames for a lot of the aforementioned behavior. Headaches everyday, anxiety, mental health issues, and most recently, self diagnosed autism. These are often used as excuses to not do chores, not meet my friends, miss work, etc... every few months it seems like there's something new, and this is something she always criticizes her own mother for doing.
5) She has a lot of social anxiety, but mostly just around people I know. She hangs out with friends more than i do, socializes more than I do, and goes to parties. We even went to a show together recently that was mostly fine. But I've had several shows/concerts ruined for me because she insisted she wanted to go then spent the entire time telling me how awful it was for her. I am very concerned about bringing her to professional events in the future, which is very integral to my career path. She has made a scene at several work related events, and so I often do not invite her anymore.
There's certainly more, and you may ask why we are even dating. These are of course all the worst aspects of our relationship. I really enjoy other aspects though, including how easy it is for us to get along and the fact we rarely have arguments. She is very loving, very affectionate, and cares about me deeply, as i do with her. I've had several long term relationships and this is easily the healthiest. Though, many friends and even my family have expressed (after I asked) that they are surprised we are together because we're so different.
At this point it's hard to imagine breaking off a near 5 year relationship because it's "not as great as I'd hope" kind of thing. Nothing is terrible, it's just kind of, ok. I love her a lot but I'm just having a hard time getting over the anxiety I have about the future to make a bigger commitment, and that's not really fair to either of us. I go back and forth everyday and constantly wonder if I'm just being ungrateful and taking a good relationship for granted. But i also feel like I should be more excited about my relationship, regardless of the reasons.
Quite a rant I know, but I welcome any advice, especially if you've had a similar situation.
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