Last week I (28M) I met this woman (25) on hinge and we hit it off. We clicked, had chemistry, similar values, similar passions, and we enjoyed being around each other. So much so we planned a second date for last Saturday and spent 12 hours together. We both felt really good about it. We made plans for Wednesday, but Monday night she asked if I wanted to go out Tuesday as well.
She made reservations at a really cute jazz club and specifically chose a small couch so we would be close. It felt really nice to have someone make reservations for me and to not only actively want to see me but also be close to me. We had a blast. Walked her back to her apartment and we made out and just talked on a bench in the courtyard for a while before we called it a night. Sex was brought up, but we were both sorta on the side of "Not quite yet. just really horny". Got home late and only slept like five hours.
After work we went out again yesterday and I immediately felt something was off. One, I was dead tired and just not very talkative. Two, she was nervous. Got done with the date and she finally asked what I wanted from this. We both laughed and admitted it felt silly to talk about it so soon (Not even knowing each other a week) but she said the reason she wanted to ask is because she doesn't know what she wants. I, on the other hand, told her straight up I want something serious over something casual and I don't want to wait around for someone to decide if they want that too.
We talked about some past relationship issues, how scary this has been dating again. She said she's afraid of hurting me because she's done it before to other partners, and I'm afraid of getting hurt and wasting my time. I have a hard boundary of not waiting for people to decide if they want me around. So, we called it off. Said goodnight, hugged, and left.
Went home, cried, smoked a cigarette, got some sleep, and woke up and said "that was a complete overreaction". I had to set a similar boundary with my ex when she had commitment issues and I felt I needed to stick to my guns, but that was a SIX YEAR RELATIONSHIP. I'd known this girl for a week. Expecting that much clarity and commitment is insane. We moved WAY to fast getting emotionally intimate because it felt good to talk about it. We put in an unmaintainable amount of effort up front and burned ourselves out. Had one date where we were both kinda off and gave up.
I sent her a text this morning while her notifications were silenced that boiled down to "I'm sorry if this fucks up your day or you feel like I'm playing with your emotions but I feel like we overcorrected yesterday. I want to meet up and have a normal conversation about this where we're both not stressed or tired." Been about four hours and no response.
Feel like I fucked this up. We both got way too close way too fast. I'm also kind relieved that it ended before it got messy. But I also know I wont get anywhere without taking risks, and I'd be willing to lose some sleep over this girl. Lord knows I already have.
I don't know what this post is. Part vent, part asking for advice I guess. Regardless, feels shitty.
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