I (23M) have been seeing this guy (23M) for two and a half months now. It started off fairly casual, but we hit it off quickly. We’re very aligned on values, interests, professional goals, and we just click super well and the conversation flows so naturally. For the last month or so we’ve been spending 5-6 nights together per week, integrating into each other’s friend circles, and texting up a storm when we’re not together. We’ve been building emotional intimacy (he was super supportive when I had a tough family situation, and he says I’m incredibly supportive of him with whatever he’s got going on) and the sex is hot but certainly not the only source of connection. Recently he’s started telling me how connected he feels to me and I’ve been saying the same. All my friends (including those who’ve met him) have been saying for weeks that we’re dating in all but name.
Last night, he told me how much he was enjoying where this is going, I told him I agreed, he said he was glad it was mutual (that’s a common turn of phrase for us), and then I floated the idea of a label, expecting him to be on board. To my surprise, he apologized and said he wasn’t ready to name it yet while saying he hoped it was clear how invested he was in this and in me. This morning, he was extra affectionate and gooey, talking about how much he likes me and rattling off a long list of personality traits for which he praised me.
I don’t know. Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own pace, but I can’t help but feel a bit surprised and taken aback. The way I see it, if we’re spending virtually all our time together and he’s talking about planning a trip for us either in the next couple months or after a big deadline we both have at work (we aren’t coworkers but are on the same timeline at our jobs) at the end of the summer, then this feels like a relationship in all but name. At the same time, I don’t want to push too hard, especially because he’s shared that his last ex pressured him to commit before he was ready. (Granted, that guy was living in another state and had only been seeing him a couple times a week for two months, but still.)
I guess I don’t know what to make of this. I don’t want to push him away because we have something great going and he’s just a little slower on timing, but I can’t pretend it doesn’t sting.
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