So okay let me start with saying this:
My whole life, i've been told that im pretty, smart and just amazing overall. But i never quite believed that myself. Why? Because no one ever did effort to prove it. To me it was all just empty words, that made me smile at the given moment. But thats it.
You see, i've never had any luck in dating, and at first i didnt think much of it, but now its giving me second thoughts... Is there something wrong with me? I mean i've always received compliments from people, but its like they didnt really put emotions into it. Im not here to complain about that, im here to tell people about the weird experince i went through.
Also yes, i made a new account just for this because i dont want people i know to find this lol.
So basically the first guy i ever liked was one of those boys.... yeah... He was the "nobody wants me" type the one day, and then "3 girls confessed to me" the other. I dont know why he was telling me that but alright. So i've known him for like 3 years maybe? And as said he was the first guy i ever liked (i will try to make this as short as possible) Everyday we would text, and he kept complimenting me and for the first time in my life i felt as if it finally meant something. However he suddenly just vanished, and never responded to my texts again until 6 months later, where he tried to gaslight me and said i was overreacting and dramatic. Anyways, the dumb and naive person i was, i decided to give him another chance (because i obviously didnt want to lose him) and well, lets just say he replaced me and left again. I have no reason to hold a grudge against him, since i was inexperienced and he was a ladies boy. Also that being said, i can say that this was maybe my fault since i was being too nice, and made myself an easy target for manipulation. So yeah i wouldnt really call him my first love.
Anyways, ever since that i've kinda been more wary, and realised my mistakes:
I must not tore down my pride for someone who doesnt even like me
Around 2 years later, i fell in love again... But in the meantime i obviously had a thing with a few people, but nothing too serious, however i learned everything i had to.
So i know this might sound stupid, but it was my friends brothers birthday (Im very close with them) so i got invited, and so did their whole family... Basically i caught their cousin staring at me, more than neccesary so i immiedietaly knew whats up. (guys dont hate me for this, but yes later on i fell in love with him)
At the birthday party, it was nothing serious, just a few laughs, jokes etc. However we did not talk further that day, but my friend ended up giving me his socials since she also saw whats going on. And yeah so we started talking, and i guess at first i was kinda nonchalant about him and thought he was "just another one" but we started getting closer.
(Feel free to skip this part) I myself am pretty open minded for things like music, books etc. I guess im pretty nerdy, but im educated pretty much on every topic so yeah we had a lot in common. My music taste is wide, i just listen to whatever depening on my mood. Thats how it is with pretty much everything else too.
So basically he really liked anime and so did i!! And believe me thats something we really talked about, and i started to grow some sort of attachement, and he started gaining an important role in my life... Im not quite sure why, but if i had to guess i'd say its because he understood me better than any other person, besides my best friend.
Generally he was the nice type of guy, but after i talked to his friends, they said that he said some pretty... disgusting things about me, and thats he's very lustfull and often does suggestive movements while talking about me. At first i believed him because why wouldnt i? But afterwards i was quick to figure out that he would NEVER say that, and decided to just ignore his words, since he wasnt thats type of guy.
Anyways, we were very compatible since we both pretty much were in the same position when it comes to dating/social life. None of us liked to socialize, nor did we really date anyone before. He seemed like a really honest guy, and i regret believing that. He made me feel special, and said things nobody ever said to me. For the first time in my life somebody actually put effort.
He used to say things like "You're my top priority, i will always make time for you" and when he was playing like a game or smth he would say "Dw i prefer talking to you, i dont care that they're screaming at me through voice chat, you're whats important to me" Yeah... Holy manipulator talk. But i didnt know that since it actually sounded like he was being honest.
After some time it became pretty obvious that he liked me, and i (probably?) liked him back, but was too scared to say anything because i was too nervous about the outcome. He was like always flirting with me, and just being the sweetest human being ever. He told me his type and it sounded like: Blonde, likes physical touch, likes anime and can be funny and serious. Bro was basically describing me, so i knew he was dropping a hint. I was dumb not to take it...
I knew that i was the only one he was talking to, and that made me feel safe and reassured. However it didnt take long before a girl came into his life, and she ruined everything unknowingly.
If im not wrong, they were on the same badminton team, but never really talked so they didnt know each other. She is a very nice person, so i cant really blame her for anything im about to say, since she had no idea :( Basically, she was interested in him, and at first when she wanted to talk to him, he seemed to be rejecting, cold and distant, because obviously he was talking to me, and wanted to stay "loyal" (we werent dating lol). However when she didnt seem to give up, i think thats where the realisation came to him, and he figured that he could have TWO girls he could talk to.
So yeah, now he was talking to both me and her, and neither of us had any idea of that happening. And the worst thing is that none of us were dating him, so i cant really call it cheating BUT STILL!!
Basically i noticed him starting to get a little more distant, and was really hurt by that since he was someone really special to me, and i didnt want to lose another person.
See im a very nosy person, so i was starting to stalk his tt, and saw his repost... And thats when i found out he found someone else.
Some time later, when me and my bsf were on call, shr texted him asking if he still likes me (he told her before that he likes me) and he said no. Keep in mind, we were on call so when she told me his reponse, my heart dropped. Like basically.
I regretted every decision of my life, i regret fooling around, i regret not taking the chances i had, because now it was too late and he found someone else. I cant really be mad at him, since its not like he can control his feelings, but so cant i.
And yeah around 1-2 months went by and we stopped talking.
Mostly because i felt like i was pulling them back, and you see i really liked him and wanted him to be happy. I knew he wouldnt be happy with me, so i left and wished him the best of luck with her. I shoved down my own feelings, and genuinely hoped they would get together.
However they didnt.
I started talking to the girl he was talking to, mostly because i was curious about her, and wanted to get to know her. She's really the sweetest, and i understand why he fell for her.
However as we got closer, she noticed that something seemed off with me, and asked me to open up if its not too much. Well i did. And i regret.
I told her everything, and she just felt really guilty for "ruining" what me and him had, but i told her not to worry since she was the better choice anyways.
God how i wish she was a bitch. How i wish i could hate her... I just cant.
So i told her to go for it, and get her man. She hesitated at first but its as if something in him has changed. He was suddenly very uncomfortable around her, and also started to get distant. She was venting to me about some things he did/said (i wont rlly mention them) and i told her i went through the same.
Look, i will make this quick and less detailed, but basically what happened after is that she realised that she deserves better than that, and dropped him. I felt bad for him, but had already moved on.
Anyways quick heads up, but this is written in the span of 2 weeks, so the things im gonna write now, are things that didnt happen while i was writing the things above.
Anyways, i've changed A LOT, and many months went by now, and as we all know, valentines day has just passed....
Me and my best friend were hanging out, and suddenly got the idea to text him.
Basically she texted him smth like "Hey i know this is random but if (my name) asked you out for valentines day, would you say yes?"
And basically.... he said yeah. I quite litterally fell of my chair, because of shock.
Its been what? 6 months? A year?
So we continued the conversation, and he ended up saying that he still likes me. When i tell you i was about to cry, i mean it.
And yeah. I ended up unblocking him, and adding him again. He added me back after some hours.
This happened yesterday btw, but i texted him from my best friends account, and told him that he should text me (he didnt know it was actually me texting) and well after some hesitation, he texted me.
Our whole conversation was pretty dry and awkward, but yeah, we sort of talked.
As i mentioned before, it happened yesterday, and now here today im completely conflicted as if what i should do.
Should i text him first? Should i wait until he texts? Should i take him back?
Because im not gonna lie, i think theres still a part of me that likes him... I mean afterall he treated me better than anyone else.
Also just for clarification, that other girl isnt talking with him anymore, and she also has a boyfriend now, so we're good because that isnt a problem.
Anyways pls drop some tips and/or thoughts on this, i would really appreciate it :]
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