Hey everyone, I’m (M20) and currently in college, and I’m gay.
I’ve been wanting a boyfriend for some time, but dating apps really do suck, and I haven’t found anything that I’m looking for. Recently, my life was going great until I met this guy. He’s a semester lower than me, but he’s (M23 and bisexual), and he’s really mature, I would say.
The thing is that at a party he kissed me, and we kinda started dating-ish. But since we live in a conservative city, we would have to hide to make out, or he would act weird in public (totally fair). As time went on, I literally felt like I’ve found the one. He’s everything I’ve wanted, and he has told me the same.
Sadly, recently he spoke with his therapist, and the therapist told him that he can’t be in a relationship. We talked, and he told me that we can just be friends, and well... it crushed me. I got upset and blocked him from everywhere, but then, not even a day later, I came back because I couldn’t stop thinking about him.Not only that, but he has something special. He makes me want to do stuff and motivates me to better myself. I need him to be in my life. I normally block people and forget about them, but this is so different.
I respect his boundaries of not wanting a relationship, but at the same time it hurts so much because he would tell me that he loves me and kiss me, and I don’t know, it really felt real. We’re still talking. He’s my daily chat at this point, and I even get excited to talk to him, even if it’s about his ex 80% of the time. I am very capable of knowing what I’m feeling, and I know how wrong this whole thing is, but I can’t stop myself somehow.We’re still planning on hanging out this week, but I’m afraid it won’t be the same, or he’s going to pull something and kiss me, which would make me crash out with my feelings again.
I know the best thing is to stop talking to him, but I feel like I’m never going to find someone better than him. I should wait it out, and maybe once he can be back in a relationship, he will choose me. I’m confused, upset, and I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I just keep saying to myself right person wrong time. Which is just an excuse about how I feel.
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