I have been with my bf for 8 months now. Things are going well, but it’s getting to a point where I am confused if I am being love bombed or if I am reading too far into things.
We started dating back in the fall and have known each other for almost 1.5 years. We are in a long distance relationship as he is in the military. I have been told there is a “stereotype” when it comes to military relationships with wanting things to move fairly quickly. When we first began dating, he would ask me questions about my values, what I want in a future/partner, etc. you know… the normal stuff. He told me he loves me 3 weeks into dating and within a month, he started telling me he wanted to marry me in the future and start a family with me. He would ask me questions like what I want my wedding to look like and how many kids I want, and where I would want to settle down. He would also ask me if I would be willing to move to be with him down the line when I feel comfortable. I do love him a lot, but I am unsure if the speed of these events is considered love bombing or can be genuine?
He always tells me he wants to marry me and that he wants to have children with me. I have told him I do at some point in the future and wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t see anything long term and feel he would be a good life long partner.
We had a conversation recently where we talked about marriage again and that he doesn’t want me to feel pressured but he is just so in love with me that it gets him excited. I am younger than him and do not feel ready to get married to him yet. It is a huge decision and I want to continue dating and seeing how things go given that is has only been 8 months and he was telling me these things a month into our relationship. When I had said I see a future with him, he told me I get all weird when talking about marriage and that he feels I don’t want that. I expressed to him that I have been love bombed in the past and have a hard time trusting that when people say these promises of long term commitment, I get a bit skeptical and nervous and that I must show it on my face. He got upset with me because he then said I was calling him a love bomber and that I am comparing past experiences to him.
I wasn’t intending for it to come out that way. All I wanted to get out was that I am someone who needs to get to know someone overtime to truly feel comfortable with making those promises. He now makes comments that insinuate I don’t love him or want to be with him in the future and constantly asks me “do you still love me?” And “how can you love me if you don’t wanna get married and think I’m love bombing you?”
I told him I feel it’s normal to have these concerns based on what I have experienced in the past and that I was not calling him a love bomber, but that it makes it harder for me to trust genuine promises about commitment. He still doesn’t understand why I brought up my past relationship and thinks I’m comparing the two and that I’m not making any sense.
I’m a bit confused on how to properly explain how I feel to him (if I’m doing a poor job) to show I do see something with him long term, I have just been love bombed in the past. Is what he is doing considered love bombing or is this genuine behavior? I feel it’s genuine but the timeline of it all has me worried all over again. I would love some advice!
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