I’ve had many bad experiences which has pushed me away from wanting to date guys. I’m tired of meeting guys who try to rush things. I’m honestly sick of it. I’m so uncomfortable around guys like this. Recently this one guy who is friends with my brother tried to rush things with me. He knocked on my door and he said he wanted to chat. I let him In and I was a bit nervous. I was thinking we are just going to chat so it’s ok. I was already uncomfortable that he was in my room like out of all places why my room. We talked for a little bit and everything seemed ok. He started to ask for side hugs and I was getting uncomfortable. He also wanted a full hug. :/ Everything was just starting to move way too fast. I barely even know him. He kept on hugging me way too much. Like wtf This guy just came back into my life and he is moving way too fast. I knew him from like middle school that’s it and I haven’t seen him until now. he then asked me if we were a thing. I even told him that If we were to date I wanna take things slow. Also that I don’t know if I like him yet. I cant like someone in one day! Even though I said that He still asked for a small kiss on the lips and I was very uncomfortable. I’m mad at myself for doing it and I really regret kissing him but I was scared. I hate myself ugh and I hate myself for being weak. I should have said no right away. My brother and his two friends ended up coming into my room to hang out. I was sitting on this swing and he just sat with me for a little bit. I soon left my room to escape I didn’t even want to be around this guy anymore. I started to get really upset because I was reminded of my past trama. I was crying and stuff. I had to sleep with my parents because I was so upset. I didn’t even want to sleep in my own room because it’s right next to them upstairs. Later my brother came in and saw me crying I couldn’t even speak and told him to go away. My brother ended up texting me and I told him that Im not ready for a relationship with his friend and the past still affects me. The guy ended up say sorry on text. I’m still pretty upset about it and now I can’t stop thinking about my past trama with another guy. This is why I avoid guys like the plague.. and yes I know not all guys are bad. I’m just afraid of running into another guy that’s gonna hurt me. At this point I don’t even care to date anyone. I am lonely sometimes but it’s better than getting hurt. I don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life. that’s how I feel and I don’t know if it will ever change.
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