Just under a month ago I (F, 21) broke up with my long term boyfriend (M,21), we were together a year and 8 months or so. It had been long distance after the first 8 months and we rarely saw each other (once every few months maybe). Since valentines day I was thinking of calling it off. And probably 2 months ago I decided for sure I wanted to breakup but it took a month cos of not wanting to disrupt his exams.
I don't know if it went well or not. I cried a lot... but overall there weren't many arguments about it and im fairly confident it was the right decision. Though I can't deny that what we had meant a lot and I still have feelings for him (first real relationship so a lot of important stuff to me) and think I always will a bit even if I think it wouldn't work out. I went through regret and sadness and bitterness but i think im mostly beyond that now...
Fast forward to now ive been friends with a guy (M, 24) for a probably 10 months. I know him kind of well, we were doing work on this project together. We have been hanging out a bit (this is quite normal for me, im not a very sexual person and im trans so for a long time most of my friends were men, even now its about 50/50 - most of them ive had 0 interest in), but we have been hanging out more and more lately. We used to get coffee and talk about the project but now we have just been going for walks... earlier I said I was feeling lonely, he said we could do something, i said itd be good to try something with less talking cos I must be getting repetitive and he suggested a movie at mine. Is that a date? I honestly don't know haha
I don't know how I feel about this. I really like him. I guess ive tried putting my past relationship behind me, though I still care for my ex (but I don't think that will change) but ive cried about it a lot and there isn't much to get angry about so im trying to just move on with life. I also feel really bad now, like im cheating or something. I felt terrible not telling my ex for a month I wanted to break up with him. When I did, I did have some feelings for this guy but that wasn't the reason (those feelings aren't something I have explored) it was cos we rarely saw eachother anymore and I felt we were growing apart and couldn't see a future together, but the fact i didn't tell him straight away makes me feel terrible as well. Part of me feels like the right thing to do is wait for some moral reason, but I haven't seen my ex since February and to be honest I just feel really lonely and like I have already waited so long. I also think me and guy have just been hanging out for a while and if he makes a move or I take a step back from it, everything might just lose momentum or he might think im not interested...I could be entirely wrong as well (he hangs out with a couple of other friends one and one, though mostly men I think) and lots of people just aren't interested in trans people.
I just don't know if its too soon - decided to split up with my ex 2 months ago (together for 1.5+ years), long time friend might have just asked me on a date.
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