I'm a 26 F, a graduate student, recently out of a relationship where I lived with a partner, and I decided to leave. I recently started dating a 40 M who I've known for the last couple of years. We used to work together, and both shared our interest in one another from the very get-go, but we did not pursue the relationship, despite going out on a couple of dinner dates, mainly because of our work dynamic (he was above me). I was actually the one who more or less "rejected" the idea, as I had recently met my now ex-partner, and thought that it would be much easier not to get involved in a work relationship, although I had always liked my 40 M counterpart since upon meeting for the first time.
While in my new relationship, 40 M and I managed to maintain a respectful relationship with distance, although we still had to see each other nearly every day. I know that he wished I would have given us a chance. Months went by, and there were many days where I had this sinking feeling in my stomach being around 40 M (I was very attracted to him, & still am) - I felt like I wanted to be with him, which made me feel so guilty about my relationship, but it also opened my eyes to the fact that I was in the wrong relationship. Fast forward to months later, and I left my partnership, moving from the city and back to the town I grew up in, right next to the town that 40 M lives in. Neither of us work in our previous facility, he has a wonderful new job making 3-4x as much money, and I'm teaching while in my grad program.
It didn't take long before we were talking and making plans, as he had reached out to me on social media congratulating me for my newest school success, and had also asked what was going on with me - was I still in my relationship? Needless to say, in the next few weeks, we made plans together and became intimate quickly, as that's something we've both always wanted.
He has never been married, nor has any children, but talks about wanting a family. Funny edit - we actually matched on a dating site before ever meeting in person (working together). We both seem to want to travel with a partner and enjoy life together for another 3-5 years before having a child/children. More recently, he opened up to me and did tell me that he wants to be in love, and feels like he is ready to be in love.. to me that was a sign that he's telling me for a reason (to hopefully be in love with me).
However, despite it being "our time" to finally get a chance to enjoy each other, I constantly find myself questioning his level of interest and potential commitment to a relationship, specifically one with me. He and I have both had other relationships, and are sexually experienced. I sense from him, as he's disclosed, that a part of him has settled for a bachelor's life, because relationships haven't worked out in his favor (he was once engaged in his twenties, and dated a lot after he broke off the engagement). He's more adjusted to the.. "well, maybe I'm just going to be an uncle for the rest of my life," notion. That is all fine and dandy, and being that he claims he wants something else, I hope that he does what he needs to do to be fulfilled. But to me it seems like the attitudes that have accumulated and shaped his perception in recent years have made him appear less emotionally present.
He has stated that it's difficult for him to be emotionally expressive, and that's been an issue in previous relationships. One time, I even admitted to him that I wasn't totally sure if he was interested in me, and he basically said, "wow, this is how bad I am at this - that you are questioning me." A part of me felt it to be necessary to express my doubt, especially because I know that the last woman he was seeing casually, he was not that interested in. He thought it was a fling as the other woman initiated in the beginning, but he broke things off once that became less of the case (again, normal - but I'm consciously aware of what could be happening).
I, on the other hand, am very expressive - creatively, emotionally, etc. I reach out to him to see him when I'm away. I tell him that I miss him, & I come up with things to do and things to discuss. I find that he is very different from me, to the point where it makes me question if he's interested. He doesn't text me often, doesn't make many plans with me on his own accordance, and doesn't ask me many questions about my life. Yet, he claims that he wants to build a relationship with me.
To me, it is very confusing. I don't know if I'm making it worse than it is, or if I should do something about my circumstance.
What do you all think?
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