I (38F) am dating again after a string of toxic long term relationships, including a divorce two years ago after my ex financially cheated me. Dating again when I'm almost 40 is a daunting task, because I thought I would have been happily coupled by this stage of my life.
HOWEVER, I have found I have raised my standards a bit this time around. I notice red flags, I tick them off in my head and I'm clear on the fact that I'm willing to be single until I find the right man. No more serial monogamy that leads nowhere for me!
Of course, this does mean a lot of loneliness. I've so far gone on a couple of first dates, where the men are super excited, and they get so honest with me about details others find shocking when I relay to them. Like one guy who began telling me how ex wife had cheated on him, but eventually revealed he had called her mom a wh*re and whacked her dad to the ground and that's what led to the divorce. And as on a previous post, another man who confessed his past anger issues. I've met men who have tried to coerce me into sex or first base without even meeting me, while talking through the app and this frustrates me because I explained to them you cannot judge sexual chemistry until an in person meeting. I even stopped seeing this witty separated dad only because he wouldn't stop going on about how hot I looked. Not sure if I was being too cautious there.
In the past, I'll admit I would have given some of these red flags a miss just to settle for someone offering me a chance at a relationship. But I'm wiser and a little more cautious with my heart this time. I'm also wary of being too paranoid so I approach each date with a fresh mind and no judgement.
It is a lot of work and it might mean I'm going to be single forever! But I owe it to myself to do better by me, I guess.
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