So, for various reasons which I'll explain, I'm still a virgin and I haven't had any romantic relationship either with anyone in my life. I feel terrible about it and have been depressed for several years.
I've always been very shy for as long as I remember, and I have very few friends. In high school, I was extremely unpopular and got bullied a lot, mainly for my appearance and my personality. I did get some help, but not enough I think. It completely destroyed my self-esteem and I still haven't feel like I've totally recovered from it (though I'm at a better place now). At the time, even my closest friends ended up rejecting me and it hurt a lot. Various people told me I was ugly, and to be fair, I wasn't the best looking (severe acne among other things). From that time on, I've always had trouble forming any kind of meaningful relationship with anyone, even new friends, as I had trouble trusting other people. The fact that I haven't experienced anything most normal people go through (sex, dating, relationships) doesn't help, as I often feel like a weird alien when I'm among around other people, especially when the topic becomes about those subjects. I also discovered I had phimosis when I was around 24, and it prevented me from meeting women, as I felt I could never satisfy one. I did fix that eventually, though I was scared for a long time and kept thinking I might need to get surgery for it.
Needless to say, I am extremely unhappy with my dating life, even though I at least have a good job, it is often hard to stay motivated. I never imagined it would be that difficult to find a woman to share my life with. And now that a lot of old friends and cousins are starting to have kids, something I've always wanted myself, the weirder I feel. The more time passes, the more I get scared I'll never have a chance to experience that myself, to have family of my own. I'm also terrified I'll end up spending the rest of my life alone. I did try Tinder and other meeting apps, but haven't had any success yet.
I also met three different therapists in the past 5 years, and while they helped somewhat, I still don't feel like I've succeeded in turning my life around. The Covid pandemic hasn't helped either, as I haven't seen any work colleagues in person for nearly two years now, and haven't seen many friends either. I don't have many people to talk to about my problems.
Now, I'm very motivated, and I'm trying as best as I can to fix this. In the past months, I've reached out to some friends and family members (though with mixed results) to help me. It does feel a bit weird to suddenly express interest in dating at my age to people I've known for a long time, and it throws some of them off. I'm a rather thin guy, I also started exercising more. I changed my looks a bit, let my beard grow a little and improved my hairstyle, and I think I look better now than I ever did.
Problem though, I still rarely get matches on Tinder or other apps. And most of the time, the women are quite fat and it turns me off a bit. I've chatted with some of them anyway, but things haven't got further, and I also feel bad about faking interest in them and I often feel like I'm leading them on just to have sex. The ones I find good-looking have all stopped texting me at some point. I'm currently trying to get better pictures for my profile, and I've asked two people so far to help me take some, but one of them lives a bit farther away from me, and it's been complicated with covid restrictions and other reasons. I also still have some confidence problems, but I feel like that won't completely go away until I do start to have success.
I feel like I could have a lot to offer to a woman, but I've never had one express any kind of interest in me and I've never got any compliments about my looks either. I think I'm below average looking, but still, I know some men who look worse than me who get girlfriends. I'm not sure what else I can do at this point, and I'm very frustrated by my lack of sex life.
If anyone can give me any kind of advice, I thank you very much in advance.
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