I’m a Man in my mid 20s and I met someone recently for a first adult date (something that I never even dreamt of having in my life, with all my quirks etc), and with them it actually felt normal, like I wasn’t tracking time (we overshot by 15 min from our agreed time to head back since she had another plannned appointment), worrying about what comes out of my mouth next, or overthinking every move. Normally, I’m very guarded, especially around the opposite gender.
Some context about her: They mentioned they take time to connect, and are demisexual. I usually take physical intimacy slow (even platonic ones) and I want to fully match their pace.
Date 2 is coming up, and they want to discuss “our situation” and some ideas for the future. I like where this is going, but I’ll be away for Thanksgiving through New Year’s Eve. I want to stay in touch during that gap without pressuring them.
Here’s my struggle: I want to tell them what I exactly feel - like how this connection feels, but I;m pretty sure I might tear up. Normally, I stay very guarded, so showing this side takes a lot of mental acceptance. I don’t want to overwhelm them with my pov/stance or make it uncomfortable for them at all, and I do see this becoming something meaningul - unable to assign it a name though at the moment.
I also overanalyze things, but it’s more like charting “what-ifs” than obsessing. I’ve never had a conversation with a new person feel this effortless.
I'm trying to understand:
- How to talk about pacing, vulnerability, and emotional honesty without overdoing it.
- Handling potential tears. Should I hold them in or let them happen?
- Tips for first adult dating with someone slow to connect and sensitive to emotional cues.
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