Genuinely confused: What in the world happened here? - ATX News Paper

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Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Genuinely confused: What in the world happened here?

My friend (30M) and I (31F) confessed our feelings for each other about 2 months ago while out drunk with a group of friends; however nothing physical happened other than lots hand holding and hugs. He was not a close friend of mine, just someone from the same friend circle in graduate school (we are in the same program). After that our relationship escalated to speaking regularly. He invited me out to a few group events over the next 4-6 weeks but wouldn't make a move. Finally, about 1 month ago, I kissed him while we were out with 2 of our other friends. We spend the whole night together. We spoke about going home together but both agreed it is best we rake things slowly and let the relationship develop. We had also said in the previous weeks that we see this as something serious, not just a fling. All was great, he dropped me off at home and asked me to hang out alone the next day. I ran into him at school that morning and he said he has some errands to run but is free in the evening and confirmed our plans. The evening came and I did not hear from him. I texted him with no answer. In fact, 4 days passed by with no word from him. So I took this as a clear message that he was not really ready to take this further. I sent him a text saying I understand, there are no hard feelings, and I want to continue being just friends. No answer to that either. I know he was available because he had been texting our mutual friends the whole week.

A week later I ran into him at a school event. He was incredibly rude to me when we interacted in group settings. He would either ignore that I was there or just walk away as soon as I came into the group. He then proceeded to pass by me multiple times without acknowledging me. When I broke the ice and said "Hi" he responded back with a snappy "Hi, what do you want?" I decided this was enough and pulled him aside to ask him what this was about. He denied he was doing anything differently and just kept saying "We are friends, I want the same thing. Nothing is going on." I asked him why he dissapeared and he proceeded to tell me that he should have never allowed things to go that far and he was never interested in a relationship with me. I told him I respected his decision, but would like to remain cordial in front of our mutual friends. He again denied he was doing anything differently. To which I got very angry and told him it's best if we stay away from each other if that is how its going to be. He said that he agrees that is best and walked away from me. It hurt but I moved on.

Then last night (3 weeks after this) I was invited last minute to a birthday party which I did not know he was also invited to. And he did not know about me being there either. I showed up there with a married male friend of mine who he did not know. Once I realized he was there, I decided to give him space and me and my friend sat at the other end of the large bar and had drinks alone. During the next 4 hours, he sent his friend over to check up on us, kept looking at me the whole night, and kept taking cigarette breaks in front of the window where I was sitting. When my friend and I went for a cigarette break, he followed us outside the bar and come to say "Hello" like nothing had happened. I coldly but politely said hello to him and his friend. And we carried on with our conversation. This seemed to aggravate him more because he proceeded to getting visibly angry as the night went on. My friend thought he was going to come over and punch him the way he was looking at us. Then he visibly kept talking about me to other people, while pointing and looking quite angry. Then he came closer to eavesdrop on our conversation with other people. Finally he stormed out of the bar. The next day I noticed he completely blocked me from all social media.

I do not know what went wrong or what happened here. I wanted a relationship and made it clear to him. He backed off then told me he never wanted anything with me and was just stringing me along. I accepted it gracefully and distanced myself. And now he is behaving this way.

Any insight would be appreciated as I am genuinely confused as to why someone would behave this way. Also, how do I behave next time I am around him? We go to school together and I will be running into him at a lot of events.

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